I'm A Chibi, You're A Chibi
by ss10009
Summary: What! Goku and Vegeta have been turned into...CHIBIS? It's their toughest adventure yet! Can they beat the evil Moo Moo Milk? What about diaper rash? A Barney marathon? Or...AMNESIA? OFFICIAL REVAMP PERFORMED ON CH1, READ AGAIN WITH MORE LAUGHS
1. Chibis Come About

**I'm A Chibi, You're A Chibi!**

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonball Z...or do I? Perhaps I _am_ Akira Toriyama. -Looks in the mirror to discover that I'm not- ...Well, we can only dream.

Author's Note:Here is a little background on the story for the important ages:  
Vegeta/Goku - under 1  
Bulma - would not like to share  
Chi Chi - repeat Bulma.  
Gohan/Videl - 18  
Trunks - 9  
Goten - 8  
This story is set just a year after the Buu saga, and will be known as the CHIBI SAGA! muahaha!

Chapter One: Chibis Come About **_(This chapter has officially undergone the unofficial ss10009 super revamp!!!)_**

"Vegeta, Goku, BEHAVE YOURSELVES!" Chi Chi shouted.  
The Z-fighters, along with their various family members, were at another one of Bulma's gatherings. A reunion for after the Buu saga and a predecssor to whatever new, evil threat would once again consume humanity. Vegeta and Goku were showing their Saiyan sides by sparring over any minor difference that came up-- well Vegeta was. But the both of them were most definitely proving themselves as aliens by stuffing their faces with Chi Chi's homecooked meal.  
"But it's _soooo_ good, Chi," Goku said after swallowing a pot of noodles, which, if Chi Chi hadn't quickly grabbed it away from him, would've included the noodle pot as well.  
Vegeta did not respond, not that he felt that he needed to seeing as it wasn't Bulma and at least he was eating with _some_ dignity. Being a prince meant that you had to learn to consume your food and getting your clothes dirty. After his etiquette professor had chased him around the room with a salad fork, a soup spoon, and a butter knife, Vegeta felt that the lesson should remain with him.  
A bone from a piece of barbeque flew from Goku's hands and onto Vegeta's forehead.  
"KAKKAROT!" he said, around a stack of bread, a large meat sauce was now apparent upon the prince's forehead. Quickly forgetting about his messy forehead, Vegeta continued eating. Nothing came between a Saiyan and their food.  
Everyone burst into that annoying simultaneous laughter (tm).

Little did they know that two people lurked about behind the bushes in the shadows of shruberry.  
"Goten, you got all the balls?" a small boy with purple hair asked.  
"Yeah," Goten replied, a large smile fixed upon his face, "Trunks...what are we going to wish for again?"  
"You mean you don't remember?" Trunks asked.  
"Uh...no...can you tell me...?"  
"Well...I...er...no...I forget, too."  
"I think we were going to wish for something new to play with," Goten said.  
"Nah...we shouldn't _play_ Goten, we're not kids anymore!"  
"But you played with stuff last year and I'm your age now."  
"Well if you want to keep up with me then you're going to have be faster on this aging stuff. Consider it a chance to become maturer while we have the chance."

"Whoo," said Goku, patting his stomach, "I'm full. -_urp_-."  
"Kakkarot that has got to be one of the most disgusting things I've ever heard...and you must certainly didn't have to do that right in front of my face!"  
Goku let a smirk slide onto his face, replacing his usual grin. He took a sip of his carbonated drink, waited a few seconds and stood right next to Vegeta...  
_**-BURP!-  
**_"That's it!" Vegeta stood, nearly turning the table over. His chair fell backwards.  
"Vegeta no...I'm _stuffed_...I'll puke all over you! Can't you take a joke?" Goku asked, patting his stomach again for extra emphasis.  
"THAT WASN'T FUNNY!" Vegeta yelled. He too was full but he wouldn't let that stop him. The little pride that remained from years as Frieza's minion, Goku's rival, and the target for soon-to-form meat stains was screaming at him to do something. Vegeta let out a battle cry. Goku took this as a sign to run while Vegeta chased after him.  
More annoying simultaneous laughter...

Goten and Trunks both sweatdropped.  
"Boy," Goten said, performing the Son Scratch (tm) with his eyes closed, a state that reminded Trunks briefly of his grandmother, and the same grin Goku constantly wore, "Our dads sure are funny, Trunks."  
"Uh...sure," Trunks replied, looking in on the scene.  
There was a long pause between the two of them as they watched Vegeta pick up a ladle from the table and began to use it as a sword while Goku blocked with a pot lid.  
"That's just wrong," Trunks muttered.  
Vegeta had now picked up a dish of meatballs and was throwing them them at Goku. Goku ditched the pot lid and caught them in his mouth. "YUM!"  
...More sweatdrops and annoying simultaneous laughter...

A short blue man with a striped cap entered the yard of Capsule Corp. He had a plan.  
Emperor Pilaf, formerly known as short-blue-man-with-a-striped-cap, would first take over Capsule Coorporations, make Bulma his wife, lure Bulma into making him some kind of dragonball detection device...he'd call it the DDD, have sex with Bulma...which had nothing to do with the plan but sounded like fun, find all the dragonballs, and make the wish that his enemy Goku could not stop his diabolical plan, then wish that he could rule the world with eternal life, and then squah anyone who attempted to get in his way. PERFECT!  
Emperor Pilaf entered the scene. There seemed to be the heads of two children blocking his way through the bushes.  
It reminded him of his last visit to the movie theaters, a big guy had been sitting in front of him, he'd asked him to move, at lack of his two lackies, the guy had beat him to a pulp... There had to be some kind of moral to that story. Where was Aesop when you needed him? But Pilaf quickly recalled a much more painful and frightening experience. Goku: The Power Freak. No, asking the two nuisances to move would be much to risky.  
Instead, Emperor Pilaf took another path through a different hole in the bushes, it was several feet away from the two boys and he was covered from them.  
There seemed to be a battle between two men. One donned, what Pilaf guessed, some type of tribal marking. That or a stain. But Pilaf went with his first guess. The other seemed to be wearing a matching outfit. That or he had previously been pelted with meatballs. Pilaf again went with his first guess and suspected that they belonged to some type of Protein-Enriching clan.  
Wait, he knew that member of the P-E clan. In fact, it wasn't a clan member at all. It was _Goku!_ _WHAT THE HELL IS GOKU DOING HERE_ Pilaf thought, mind racing. _And that other man- anyone that can last that long in a battle with Goku has got to be just as powerful. I'll have to get rid of them both..._

The food fight between Goku and Vegeta took an extremely violent turn. The Z-fighters rushed into the house while Goku and Vegeta exchanged ki blasts.  
"Kame-"  
"Final-"  
"Hame-"  
"DAMNIT YOU TWO DON'T YOU DARE BLOW UP CAPSULE CORP.!" Bulma shouted through the door, her words went unacknowledged.  
"HA" - "FLASH!"  
There was a noise louder than a sonic boom as two charred Saiyans emerged from a newly formed crater.

"AGH!" Goten and Trunks yelled, feeling seven mystical objects leave their hands.  
The glowing balls went flying to...

"ALAS! I HAVE THE DRAGONBALLS!" Emperor Pilaf shouted, but his shouts went unheard through the ruckus.  
The fight had stopped temporarily while Goku paniced, realizing that, in his haste to defend himself against Vegeta, he had blown up the only buffet in town that had yet to ban him.  
Emperor Pilaf took this as a sign to get the hell out of there!  
He dashed off, blue skin beginning to sweat.

"Goten, do you see the dragonballs?" Trunks asked, looking frantically around his spot for them.  
"Nuh-uh."  
"Then where are they?"  
"I dunno."  
"CAN'T YOU DO BETTER THAN AN I DUNNO!" Trunks shouted.

"Where's that noise coming from, Kakkarot?" Vegeta asked.  
"Hmm...sounds like it's from those bushes," Goku responded, managing to snap out of his paniced state.  
The pair went over to the shrubbery to inspect the source of the shouting.

They could hear someone say, "Damnit, we lost the dragonballs!"  
"Trunks, Goten?" Goku asked, arriving at the bush first, "What are you guys doing here?"  
"Uh..." the two said together.  
"Why were you two talking about the dragonballs?" Vegeta questioned.  
"Uh..."  
"I want more than babbling, I want an explanation as to what's going on," Vegeta said.  
"Well...see..." Trunks began, "My class pet died-- I forgot to feed it this time, you didn't ki blast it like you did the last one-- so I had to wish it back. I mean, if all dogs to heaven, all cats must go to hell!"  
Goten gave an odd look, "Oh wait! I remember the wish now! We were going to wish that Vegeta didn't _just_ have a receding hairline- he'd be completely bald, so that we could tattoo a crown on his head!"  
"**GOTEN!**" Trunks shouted, clamping his hand over his best friend's mouth and giving a scared little chuckle, "He doesn't know what he's saying."  
"Yes I do," Goten said, removing the hand, "Trunks _also _said he wanted to play games and was sick of you bossing him around and that-"

Trunks' face grew more and more strickened with every word that left Goten's mouth. He nearly peed his pants when he expected what was going to happen to him. Vegeta gave his son a fear-instilling look that could make even the most brave go numb...that's when Trunks _did_ pee his pants.  
The conversation between the two was cut short as the sky darkened completely. It was already getting dark, but this sky was completely black and starless. Not even the bright lights of the city could permeate the darkness. It was this ominous sign (along with a green dragon racing through the sky) that alerted the four near the bush that someone was making a wish.

"State your wish," the Eternal dragon said.  
"I wish that...uh..." Emperor Pilaf thought for a moment...it had to do with those two men, he knew it... "I wish that the two who pose the biggest threat to me...were...uh...no...no...wait...can you kill people?"  
The dragon thought for a moment, "Are you going to wish to kill someone?"  
"Well I do have two people I'd like to have taken care of."  
"..Hmm..no."  
"So can I wish for them to have life-threating injuries that are impossible to recover from?"  
"Er..no."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yes."  
"...Really sure?"  
"YES DAMNIT!"  
"So can I wish for them to be...uh...tortured until they die?"  
"NO! YOU CANNOT WISH FOR THEM TO SUFFER ANY FATALITY!"  
"Well...well you should publish a book about what I can and can't wish for, ya know, Dragon Wishing For Dummies."  
"DAMNIT JUST MAKE THE WISH BEFORE I GO BACK INTO THE BALLS AND ZAP YOUR ASS BACK THERE WITH ME!"  
"Okay!" Emperor Pilaf said, "I wish that the two people who pose the biggest threat to me were-"

"Whose summoning the dragon?" Goku asked, Vegeta, Trunks, and Goten zooming along behind him.  
"EMPEROR PIILAF!" Goku shouted, diving in below.

Emperor Pilaf let out a scream on sighting his enemies, he had about a second before he was plowed into the ground all chances of being ruler of the world were stomped out for good.  
He needed an idea, and fast! Emperor Pilaf looked around for a bit.  
As a child he hadn't had an imagination...  
He looked at the window of a store. **_BUY BRITNEY SPEAR'S HIT NEW SINGLE: ...BABY ONE MORE TIME_**

"BABIES!" Emperor Pilaf shouted.  
_Babies? Why would Emperor Pilaf wish for babies?  
_"Your wish has been granted."  
Goku suddenly felt himself grow smaller, his fist, which was only inches from Pilaf's face, seemed to retract. His clothes seemed to multiply in size, no longer fitting him and serving as some sort of parachute-like blanket. He could no longer fly. Goku had a strange feeling that he was the baby Pilaf had been talking about.

"What's going on down-?" Vegeta asked, but his question was cut off by an odd feeling is his body. He felt smaller, his clothes felt bigger, he was falling and fast. Why couldn't he fly? That blue man must've wished for his powers to go away and for him to be smaller!  
Trunks heard an odd cry, "WAAAAAH!" His eyes widened to see that what looked like a baby was falling fast through the sky. Trunks quickly caught him but took a double take.  
The baby looked like his father, dark hair in the shape of a flame, bangs drawn in front of his eyes, he was naked but Trunks guessed that he had been wearing the spandex suit and boots that were now floating to the ground.  
"Uh...dad?" Trunks asked oddly.  
Vegeta tried to nod his chubby little head, the movements were hard to tell, "Yes, Trunks, now make the second wish be to wish me back!"  
To Trunks it sounded like: _Yeh Truh nuh ma da seh wih be tuh wih ma bah!  
_"Uh...what?" Trunks asked confusedly.  
_Shit!_ Vegeta thought _He can't understand me!  
_"GOTEN!" Trunks shouted loudly right next to Vegeta's ear, "STOP EMPEROR PILAF FROM WISHING!"  
"OKAY TRUNKS!" Goten shouted back.  
The noise was giving Vegeta a headache, he did not like it. It was upsetting him. Vegeta's lower lip began to tremble _Shit..I'm not going to-_"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Vegeta let out a loud wail, which was followed by a flow of tears.

Goten raced towards the ground, his hand covered Emperor Pilafs..."Dragon! I uh...I wish that Emperor Pilaf couldn't make anymore wishes!"  
Goten smiled as the dragon told him that his wish had been granted.  
_Everyone's going to be so proud! I helped save the day with just the right wish!  
_Suddenly, he heard a baby's wailing, Goten looked down.  
A boy with black hair that shot out in several different directions looked up at him, _Oh good, it's Goten!_ "Son, it's me!"  
To Goten it sounded like a jumbled mess.  
"Wait...that baby Trunks was holding...and this baby here...they must be..our fathers," Goten said.  
The baby nodded his head, but he also failed because of the pudge that was on him.  
"Well, I guess it's a good thing I used the second wish to stop Emperor Pilaf," Goten said with a smile. He could hear the emperor whining in the background.  
_What? He used the second wish on that? I'm going to be stuck like this for a year!  
_Goku let out a loud whail, "WAAAAAAAH!" He did not like being a baby.

Trunks and Goten met, they were both holding their fathers as baby. Both of their fathers were crying loudly.  
The sky had returned to it's normal coloring, the dragon was gone.  
"Goten," Trunks said slowly, "You didn't use the second wish to make them grownups again did you?"  
"...I stopped Emperor Pilaf with it."  
"GOTEN YOU IDIOT!" Trunks yelled  
There was a long pause before Goten spoke, "You think they can understand us?"  
"I dunno, Goten," Trunks said, "Depends on the wish. It could have changed them inside and out. I guess we'll only know for sure when they get wished back next year."  
Vegeta gulped, _Next year?_, just the thought made him want to-  
"WAAAAAAAH!" he cried even louder than before, "WAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Goku almost chuckled, "This is the one time I'll get to see Vegeta cry!"  
"What was that Kakkarot?" Vegeta asked.  
"Er...you can understand me."  
"I figure it's this whole baby concept. We must be able to talk to each other but not to anyone who isn't an infant."  
"I can't believe you're accepting this," Son grin making it's way back onto his face as Goku shook his head.  
"WHAT THE HELL ELSE AM I GOING TO DO? I'M HUNGRY STILL, I NEED TO PEE AND I CAN'T HOLD IT, AND SUDDENLY I FEEL LIKE SUCKING ON A WOMAN'S BREAST!"  
There was a long pause before Goku said anything, "...Oh."

"I guess we should just go home, Goten," Trunks said, trying to figure out the best way to hold his father.  
"Yeah."  
Both of them headed off, babies in tow, back towards Capsule Corp.

**A/N: Yep, this is the revamp. Comment again on what you think I did better or if this is your first time reading, did you like?**


	2. They're Taking It All In A Stride, NOT!

Disclaimer: Refer to last chapter...

Quick Author Note: Thanks for the reviews! They helped to make me feel like writing this story and blowing off my homework...well...I'll be coming after you guys if I flunk school due to your lovely reviews!

Let's Review: OK, Trunks and Goten gathered the dragonballs to do something to Vegeta to make him let them play more (or something along those lines, the wish they were going to make was never confirmed and doesn't have much to do with the plotline anyway), but Emperor Pilaf got a hold of the balls. When Trunks, Goten, Goku, and Vegeta all rushed out to stop Emperor Pilaf from making a wish, the emperor was fresh out of wishes and wished for the first thing that came to his mind, to make the two that posed the biggest threat to him turn into babies. Then, Goten thought he was doing the right thing when he wished that Emperor Pilaf could no longer make anymore wishes but that means that Goku and Vegeta will be stuck as widdle chibis for a year! Now Goten and Trunks are headed home.

Chapter 2: They're Taking It All In A Stride...NOT!

"TRUNKS, GOTEN, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!" Bulma and Chi Chi shouted.  
Both boys looked nervously at the ground, babies still in their arms, stammering.  
_Is that really Goku and Vegeta?_ Piccolo thought  
_Is that really Goku and Vegeta?_ Krillin thought  
_Is that really my dad and Vegeta?_ Gohan thought  
_Is that really Goku and Vegeta?_ Tien and Choutzou thought together.  
_Is that really Goku and Vegeta?_ Yamcha thought  
_Go Yamcha!_ Puar thought.

"Oh my poor Goku," Chi Chi said, taking Goku out of Goten's arms, "Are you alright?"  
_So that is Goku and Vegeta._ Piccolo thought  
_So that is Goku and Vegeta._ Krillin thought  
_So that is my dad and Vegeta. _Gohan thought  
_So that is Goku and Vegeta._ Tien and Choutzou thought together  
_So that is Goku and Vegeta._ Yamcha thought.  
_Yea Yamcha!_ Puar thought.

"If you two hadn't been so disobedient, your father would be holding me, not the other way around," Chi Chi whined.  
"When were we disobedient?" Goten asked confusedly.  
"I've told you time and time again, Goten! Don't let Trunks make you think that you need to wish for things from the dragon." Chi Chi answered.  
"Hey, that wasn't all me," Trunks interrupted, daring to set off the bitch within Chi Chi.  
Chi Chi growled, "Who thought that it was time to be more grown up and order female entertainers and achoholic beverages!"  
"You mean booze and hookers?" Trunks asked.  
Chi Chi let out a loud yell, "YOU TWO ARE NEVER ALLOWED TO USE THE DRAGON UNLESS WE REALLY NEED THOSE WISHES! LIKE RIGHT NOW!"  
"But Pilaf _stole_ the balls from us, Mom," Goten replied.  
"SO? IF YOU TWO HADN'T BEEN FOOLISH ENOUGH TO HAVE THEM IN THE SAME PLACE THEN EVERYTHING WOULD BE OK BUT NO, YOU TWO HAD TO BE IDIOTIC AND LET THIS HAPPEN TO MY GOKU!"

**A/N: To make things easier, I'm going to put everything that is in baby talk that nobody can understand in italic script  
**_**Vegeta:** Do you know why they keep yelling?  
__**Goku:** Probably the same reason they didn't invite us over for the booze and hookers.  
__**Vegeta:** blinks We have to do something about this!  
__**Goku:** YEAH!  
__**Vegeta:** What do you propose we do?  
__**Goku:** Propose? Sorry, Vegeta, but we're just friends.  
__**Vegeta:** sighs What are we going to do about it?  
__**Goku:** Oh...get some money and hire hookers for ourselves I guess.  
__**Vegeta:** THAT'S IT! I'M SICK OF YOUR MOUTH! FINAL FLASH!_

"Fi flah!" Vegeta shouted, the Z-fighters turned their heads to him. Goku retalliated, "Kah meh ha meh hah!"  
Extremely small and almost harmless pins of energy that might singe a very weak human shot from their hands.

_Even as babies they're fighting._ Piccolo thought  
_Even as babies they're fighting._ Krillin thought  
_Even as babies they're fighting._ Gohan thought  
_Even as babies they're fighting._ Tien and Choutzou thought.  
_Even as babies they're fighting._ Yamcha thought  
_I LOVE YOU YAMCHA!_ Puar thought, tackling Yamcha and pinning him down for a kiss.  
"PUAR NOT IN PUBLIC!" Yamcha exclaimed, pulling his feline friendly friend away.

Both pins of energy hit their points, square in the chest.  
Goku and Vegeta toppled over at the same time out of Goten and Trunks' arms.  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" they both cried out at the same time.

Chi Chi and Bulma turned to their husbands and sighed.  
"The things we go through," they said together.  
The Z-fighters attempted to perform that loud simultaneous laughter but failed due to the volume of Goku and Vegeta's screams.  
**A/N: Yes, those comments about simultaneous laughter will show up throughout the entire fic even though it got tiring in the 1st chapter. And do you know WHY? You don't? Oh...well neither do I. Tell me if you find out.**

"Shhh," Chi Chi said, "There there my little Goku. Did old mean Vegeta give you a boo boo?"  
Goku whimpered an affirmative reply.  
_**Vegeta:** snickers Baby  
__**Goku:** I know I am but what are you? 'Cause I saw you crying, too!  
__**Vegeta:** blinks  
__**Goku:** Hehehe! I rhymed! If Dr. Seuss can do it, so can I!  
__**Vegeta:** blinks more rapidly_

Bulma delivered a slap to Vegeta's head.  
_**Vegeta:** HEY! Woman I'll have you know that as soon as I'm back in my old body that-  
_"C'mon, Mister, I can't believe that you and Goku are still fighting! I know you probably instigated it all, too."  
_**Vegeta:** I DID NOT! It was Kakkarot's loud mouth that only spurted ignorant things that began this!  
_"And don't give me that 'It was Kakkarot's loud mouth that only spurted ignorant things that began this' line. I've heard it before, Vegeta! Don't you remember when you said it was _Goku_ who was going on the quest to see Sailor Moon be Sailor Nude."  
Vegeta pouted for several moments, lip stuck over his chubby little chin.

"Come on, Vegeta. We'll get you a bath, a bottle, and then bed, do you like that idea?"  
_**Vegeta:** No! I do not like that idea! I hate that idea! I must escape from this bath, bottle, bed theory! Immediately!  
_Vegeta let out another wailing sound.  
"Oh, c'mon you big baby, it's not all that bad."  
_**Vegeta:** Oh yes it is! I never liked bathing as a child. I was just going to get dirty again the next day. Maybe I can outrun her? I could outrun Nappa and his evil pink bubble bath foams of death.  
_Vegeta attempted to roll out of her arms, he succeeded for a brief moment, but someone had caught him.  
_**Vegeta:** Let go of me, Kakkarot's Brat!  
_Gohan had caught him, "Here ya go, Bulma, looks like he's trying to make a run for it."  
Vegeta pouted...again.  
_**Vegeta:** Damn, plan has been foiled! Don't worry, brat, I'll get you and your father! MUAHAHAHA!_

"Hey, Chi Chi," Bulma said to the other woman who was rocking Goku back and forth, "Do you want to stay here for a bit? Until we get everything under control. Or at least until we can get these two to sleep or something."  
Chi Chi contemplated for a second, "Sounds like a good idea Bulma."  
"I'm going to give Vegeta a bath, Goku could join him."  
"Okay, Goku's absolutely filthy."  
Both women laughed.

_**Vegeta:** Where the hell is that funny?  
__**Goku:** I dunno...and I'm feeling really dirty, too. And I don't like being naked either.  
__**Vegeta:** looks down at his nudy self How could these people forget to clothe us?  
__**Goku:** I dunno...the same way they forgot about the booze and hookers I guess.  
__**Vegeta:** CAN WE GET OFF OF THAT SUBJECT, PLEASE!  
__**Goku:** Sorry, Vegeta. But Chi Chi doesn't believe in sex...or pants for that matter. It's a good thing I got transformed when I did. Next week Chi Chi said I was going to have to start wearing a kilt._

Vegeta and Goku looked around to discover that they were in a bathroom, Chi Chi and Bulma had finished running a bath for them.  
Bulma plopped Vegeta down into the bathtub, right next to Goku. Vegeta turned his head immediately, preferring to look at the wall then his rival's body.  
**A/N: OK, this might create a bit of a nasty image in your head, it's some bathroom humor lol  
**_**Vegeta:** Kakkarot, you're filthy! All of your dirt is touching me! And what's this dirt log here?  
_Vegeta picked it up.  
_**Goku:** Er...Vegeta, that's not a dirt log.  
__**Vegeta:** Then what is it!  
__**Goku:** A poopy log!  
__**Vegeta:** WHAT THE HELL?  
__**Goku:** Sorry, Vegeta, I couldn't hold it! But don't worry, it'll play with you.  
__**Vegeta:** PLAY WITH ME!  
__**Goku:** Yeah, they always start spinning around when I press that silvery handle on that white bowl.  
__**Vegeta:** ...When you flush the toilet?  
__**Goku:** Yeah, that's it!  
__**Vegeta:** sighs  
__**Goku:** Most of it is dirt, though...'cept for that bunch over there. Chi Chi calls that diahrea!  
__**Vegeta:** scoots away from bunch The rest is just dirt, though right?  
_**A/N: OK, end nasty scene but I couldn't resist a bit of sick humor**

_**Goku:** Yeah, it's dirt. Sorry, Vegeta. But I played in the mud with Goten today...hope those worms didn't follow me.  
__**Vegeta:** WORMS!  
__**Goku:** What, are you scared of worms or something?  
__**Vegeta:** No! I, a warrior, would never be cowering from something that was slimy, slithering, dirt traveling, filthy, nasty-  
__**Goku:** Oh, well, I guess you should watch out for the worm right next to you._

Vegeta looked down, sure enough a pink creature was crawling towards him. Vegeta let out a scream, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
And with every small worm was another one, a whole fleet aiming at taking him over.  
Vegeta screamed some more.  
"Vegeta, what the hell is wrong with you?" Bulma asked.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH WUM!"  
_**Vegeta:** WORM!  
_Bulma picked up one of the pink things, "Are you scared of this?"  
Vegeta wasn't sure whether to nod his head and have her remove it or shake it, keep part of his pride, and keep screaming. So he remained still, several worms found this an opportune time to crawl up his legs.  
Vegeta let out his loudest scream yet.  
"OK, OK," Bulma said, chuckling, "I'll get rid of the worms ya big baby."  
Vegeta tried to scowl but found it impossible with a worm crawling in his flameshaped hair.  
Bulma picked out the worms quickly, "Better now?"  
Vegeta scowled.  
"Or should I put them back in?"  
Vegeta shook his head quickly to Bulma's laughter, "C'mon, let's get you clean," she said.

A little while later both Goku and Vegeta were squeaking from their excessive cleaning. They looked like little rubber balls they were so shiny and well-groomed.

The group walked downstairs (or were carried in Goku and Vegeta's case) to the kitchen. The Z-fighters were still there, looking shocked and confused. Both children were dressed in just diapers.  
_**Vegeta:** I'm cold...and I'm still wet.  
__**Goku:** Me, too! But I'm not wet from the bath.  
_"Do you think Goku's hungry?" Bulma asked, they both arrived inside the kitchen, both babies were silent.  
"Do you need to ask?" Chi Chi replied with a chuckle.  
Damn that annoying silmutaneous laughter...  
"Could one of you hold Vegeta," Bulma said, "I'm going to get them some food."  
The Z-fighters looked away silmutaneously, Krillin began whistling.  
"He doesn't bite you know," Bulma said, Vegeta barred his now non-existent teeth in a failed attempt to prove her wrong.  
_**Vegeta:** One of you touches me and I'll have you decapitated!_

Bulma rested Vegeta on her hip with a strong grip, it pushed him straight into her breasts...which he really didn't mind. Vegeta let out a moan.  
Bulma blushed, "Perv!"  
Vegeta smirked, pressing his head back into his little spot.

"OK," Bulma said, returning from the cabinets, "We've got some baby bottles and milk formula."  
Vegeta stared at this so-called milk formula. He could remember it clearly. It's evil moo moo milking cow of HFIL! What a mistake it was to reach for the first liquid thing after his intense training session that day.  
Bulma shoved the bottle into his mouth. Vegeta, still off in painful flashback, did not sense the bottle coming for him.

The bottle, which was highly technological and manufactured by Capsule Corp began to sing:  
_Moo moo milk how you'll love it so  
__Moo moo milk how it helps you grow  
__Moo moo milk without it you would fret  
__Moo moo milk keeps your diapers wet  
__Moo moo milk has a cow that says  
_Here a small cow popped out of the bottle and sang  
_"Get your moo moo milk on!"  
__Don't feel bad 'cause it's not wrong!  
__Moo moo milk moo moo milk  
__Moo moo milk  
__**A product of Capsule Coorporation, squeeze the bottle for information on heating and preperation in 3908 different microwaves, tweak the nipple to hear about other products manufactured by Capsule Coorporation, remove the lid to find a cell phone that is programmed to contact the Capsule Coorporation Help Line**_

"Doesn't that taste good?" Bulma cooed.  
For an answer, Vegeta spat the contents of the bottle all over Bulma's chest. The cellphone rebounded off of her breasts and hit Vegeta smack in the forehead, leaving a red mark on his head.

Chi Chi fixed up the bottle for Goku. The Z-fighters had begun to play with him.  
"I've got your nosey," Krillin said, "Oh yes I do!"  
"Just because you don't have a nose doesn't mean you can steal his," Yamcha said.  
"I'll have you know that as soon as I ask my Uncle Gotya-noseyroseywosey-fuhlife, I will no longer be the butt of these stupid noseless jokes!"

Goku took the bottle happily, "Mmmmmmmmm," he moaned, Moo Moo Milk was _good_.  
He drank the whole bottle down, including the cellphone that began to ring inside of his belly.  
**You have reached the Capsule Corp Help Line** a cool robotic female voice said **Dial 1 if you need help fixing the bottle, dial 2 if you need help buying a microwave with special Moo Moo Milk programs, dial 3 if you would like to know about discounts on Moo Moo Milk, dial 4 if you would like to know about other products of Capsule Corp, dial 5 if you are not sure where exactly to go, punch your baby in the stomach if they have swallowed this cell phone.**

Goku patted his tummy, "Mmmmmmm."  
Vegeta wouldn't admit it if you paid him a million zenni, but Moo Moo Milk was pretty damn good.  
"OK, guys," Bulma said, holding Vegeta whose eyes were drooping, "Now it's time for part three. Bedtime."  
_**Vegeta:** Woman are you insane! It's still light outside!  
__**Goku:** Mmmmmmmm...Moo Moo...  
__**Vegeta:** Kakkarot, what's your problem?  
__**Goku:** I wuv my Moo Moo.  
__**Vegeta:** Huh?  
__**Goku:** Mmmmmm...Moo Moo...  
__**Vegeta:** ...  
__**Goku:** MOO MOO MOO MOO MOO MOO! MOO MOO MILK!  
__**Vegeta:** ...  
__**Goku:** MORE MOO MOO! MORE MOO MOO!  
__**Vegeta:** ..._

"OK, you and Goku will share a room," Bulma said, carrying Vegeta away from the kitchen.  
_**Vegeta:** Damnit! I don't want to sleep with him!  
__**Goku:** What's so bad about being in the same room with me?  
__**Vegeta:** sighs I'm a prince. Do I have to have a good reason?  
__**Goku:** I dunno, I'm not a prince.  
__**Vegeta:** Oh great, I'm going to be stuck with your idiotic remarks for who knows how long..._

Bulma and Chi Chi arrived, husbands in arms, in a room that was arranged to be a nursery.  
It had a single crib and wallpaper with ducks lining it. When you walked by a duck, they had sensors inside them that quacked. The largest duck that was singing some kind of quack song also doubled as a mobile and baby monitoring system.  
Bulma and Chi Chi tucked their husbands into the bed, Goku was already on the verge of falling asleep.

_**Goku:** Good night, Veggie.  
__**Vegeta:** Don't call me Veggie, Kakkarot! My name is Vegeta...Vegeta the 79th to be exact, the crowned prince and uncrowned king of the Saiyan race, you will respect me and call me by my name! If we were on the Planet Vegeta you would have been executed for disrepect to royalty long ago.  
__**Goku:** snoring  
__**Vegeta:** DAMN YOU KAKKA yawn ROT!_

"Shush it Vegeta and go to sleep," Bulma instructed, kissing him on the forehead.  
_**Vegeta:** WOMAN! Kakkarot's mate is here! You are not allowed to do that.  
_Bulma smirked while Chi Chi giggled. Bulma gave him a few more kisses on the head, all of which Vegeta attempted to use his pudgy hands to whipe away.  
"Awwww," Bulma said, giving him her stickiest most lipstick-imprinted kiss yet.  
Vegeta stuck his lip out, about to complain. He simply yawned again, and fell over fast asleep.


	3. I Hate You, You Hate Me

Disclaimer: Refer to last chapter.  
I DO NOT OWN BARNEY, THE FLINSTONES, OR THE TELLETUBBIES! IF IT LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING YOU HAVE SEEN BEFORE I MOST LIKELY DO NOT OWN IT!

Quick Note: Hope this chapter was worth the wait! Took me a while to perfect it, it's the longest chapter yet I think.  
It's got a lot of raw sexual humor just FYI. + Some of the characters are going to be OOC, because of reasons you will find out in the answering machine of Tien...hehehe...why is Tien's answering machine in this story? How does Tien have a phone...well, we don't explain the latter but the first question will be answered hehehe  
Let's Review: OK, Vegeta and Goku had both been fed Moo Moo Milk, been bathed, and are now sleeping with each other. And get your mind out of the gutter on the last one! -shakes head-

**Chapter 3: I Hate You, You Hate Me...**

"Hey, Chi Chi," Bulma said, arriving in the kitchen the next morning to see Chi Chi sitting there, drinking a cup of tea, "I'm off to work."  
"OK, Bulma, have a lovely day," Chi Chi replied with a smile.  
Maybe the smaller portions and the ease of cooking for Goku was letting her relax some. The woman was in front of the oven almost all day making meals for the man. And she must have been tired of all of the fish, too. But at least the size of the cooking pans had increased, so had the lumps on her husband's and Gohan's hands. Goten's beatings were non-existent due to the excess of legal forces centered around adorable-dumb-lookalike-chibi people abuse.

Bulma walked throughout her large home to arrive at the more executive and restricted portion where the actual work of the company took place.  
"Hello, Capsule Corp, hold-no, the richest company in the world doesn't say "please hold"..."

"Are you sure that it's tomorrow, Idee?" Bulma asked her secretary.  
"Yes, Miss Briefs, I'm suuuure...tehehe..." her secretary began to spin around in her chair, "Chair make me dizzy! tehehe!"  
Bulma sweatdropped. **(A/N: what pink blob does the secretary remind you of?)  
**"Well can't we reschedule."  
"No go on the resched," Idee replied.  
"Look, Idee, can't we work something out? Send someone else."  
"Nopesies!" Idee said, continuing to spin. "Lab 230498 caught fire and everybody died."  
"...But there is no lab 230498," Bulma said confusedly.  
"Oh, not a laberatory," Idee said, stopping her spin for a brief moment for continuing, "Well, the animal cruelty dudes and the police came over for the work we're doing on rats. And then one of the workers was on drugs and a drug dog, the lab, sniffed him out. Then the worker thought he was going to go to jail so he put the dog on the fire to stop sniffing him. But the dog just ran around and everybody caught fire and fell into some flammie-able chemical and everybody died. Except the dog, he was actually on drugs, so he survived because he was so high it counteracted with the chemicals. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Bulma blinked, "I'm Bulma Briefs! This is my company! I can't really go to any meetings right now, Idee."  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand...whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy."  
Bulma sighed, "Because I'm looking after some babies, they're a real handful."  
Idee said nothing.  
"Look here, Idee Utt...can't you do something about this?"  
"Nopesies!" Idee replied, spinning so fast that she flew out of the window.

_Oh wait_ Bulma thought _Chi Chi can look after those two! And going to a meeting might be better than putting up with Goku and Vegeta. Even if they are adorable! I just hope Chi Chi can handle them both._

Bulma wandered back from her business to her house.  
"Back so soon?" Chi Chi asked, there was the loud cry of a baby, "I knew making these bottles would come in handy soon."  
Bulma smiled, "Turns out that I have a huge meeting today and I need you to take care of both of the babies."  
Chi Chi dropped the bottle onto the floor, "Oh this is terrible, Bulma."  
"What are you talking about?"

"Well, Goten got a bad grade in school, which I just can't believe!" Chi Chi went into a long rant about how her children should be smarter than this. "And I have to come out to a parent teacher conference."  
"..." Bulma said nothing as she concentrated on her friend's face. Attempting to find out when the rant stopped. The obscenities alone had disturbed Bulma greatly. And after hearing about the number of times the boy stood wore a dunce cap was too great for Bulma to draw apart from the rest of the sentences.  
"Bulma. Bulma? Are you listening to me?"  
"Of course I was!"  
Chi Chi sighed, "So what are we going to do?"  
"...Get for what?"  
"Get to babysit Goku and Vegeta!"  
Babysit? Bulma did not let this phase her, though, "Isn't it obvious? A Z figher. Duh!"  
Chi Chi stopped what was about to be a bitching, and calmed down, "Good idea, I'll call them."

"Let's call Krillin first," Chi Chi suggested.  
"Yeah," Bulma agreed: 555-GO-MIDGET-GO-ANDROID-GO  
"Hey, you've reached Krillin...and 18...and Marron. However, me and my _mondo_ _cool_ family cannot be reached right now because we are out looking for the dragonballs so we can wish that Marron does not suffer the same noseless fate as myself."

"What about Yamcha?" Bulma asked.  
Bulma dialed 555-YAMCHA-N-PUAR  
The voice of a blue cat scream, "OH YAMCHA! YES! MMMMMMMM!"  
"PUUUUUUUUUAR!"  
"I'M GOING TO-"  
Bulma and Chi Chi immediately hung up the phone.

"Hmmm...Tien or Chaozu?" Chi Chi asked.  
555-THIRD-EYE-MEETS-WHITE-GREEN-N-BLACK-GUYS  
A robotic voice answered, "You've reached the Tien, Chaozu, Popo, Piccolo, Dende dating service. We'll get you a date no matter what color your skin is, if you're an alien race, look like a mime, or no matter how many eyes you have!"  
"Since when did Piccolo, Mr. Popo, and Dende hang around Tien and Chaozu?" Chi Chi asked confusedly.  
"They all got sick of people making fun of them of their odd skin tones and weird body functions and additional organs," Bulma said with a shrug, "And then that love pentagon formed it's been pretty hectic."  
"I thought Tien and Chaozu were already dating," Chi Chi said confusedly.  
"Nah, they're friends with _benefits_."  
There was a long pause, "Aren't Piccolo and Dende asexual?"  
"That's why Piccolo and Dende's relationship is on the rocks. All the plants are making them jealous." Bulma answered.

"Master Roshi and Oolong?"  
555-NOSEBLEED  
They waited a long time for an answer...  
"Hello, Satan City Medical Center? Would you happen to be calling for a Master Roshi or Oolong."  
"Yes," Bulma replied, "Both."  
"Oh...I'm sorry to tell you this, but Master Roshi and Oolong both passed away."  
"WHAT!"  
"It's an interesting story. I was working on a patient, giving them a little surgery to take out there..._you knows_...and replace with them with _something else_... So after the surgery, when he was a woman...er...she...they had a backless gown on. Those two saw his...her...ass and bled to death."  
Bulma and Chi Chi both blinked, Chi Chi spoke, "Well, atleast I no longer have to protect Goten and Gohan from that dirty old man."

"Oh how didn't I think of this earlier," Chi Chi said, slapping a hand to her forehead, "Gohan could babysit."  
"Sounds good, and Gohan's smart and responsible."  
Chi Chi beamed at the comments about her son.  
Bulma dialed his number 555-NERDY-NERDY-NERDY-GEEKISH-DORK-BOY-...AND-GIRLFRIEND  
"Hello," Gohan said, answering the phone with uncertainty.  
"Hey, Gohan, it's your mom and Bulma," Bulma said.  
"Oh hi! What's going on?"  
"Well...to make a long story short, we need a babysitter."  
"Like me?" Gohan asked.  
"Yes, like you."  
"OK, sure, do you want me to come over now?"  
"That would be great, Gohan!"  
"OK, bye, Bulma," Gohan said, hanging up the phone.

"Who was that, Gohan?" Videl asked, seeing Gohan put away his cellphone.  
"Oh, nobody."  
"You're not seeing another woman are you? 'Cause if you are I swear-!"  
"I'm not seeing anyone else, Videl," Gohan said, taking a frightened tone.  
"Good," Videl replied simply.  
"But I do have to babysit."  
Videl shot up immediately, "BABYSIT? But why? That'll be another date you've broken!"  
"Getting the frying pan lumps on my head fixed was a good reason to break a date, Videl! And so was spending more time with Piccolo, he's my-"  
"BOYFRIEND!"  
"...Actually I was going to see old mentor."  
"LIAR! I KNOW WHAT YOU AND HIM GET UP TO!"  
"You've got me all wrong! Piccolo is Mr. Popo's whore!"  
Videl growled, "Well if you're going to break this date, them I _demand_ that I come with you."  
Gohan shrugged, "OK, I'll call Bulma back and tell her."

Light came pouring in through the windows of a nursery, it hit Vegeta straight in the eyes.  
Vegeta turned his head away immediately and tried to sit up. But he couldn't! After several failed attempts, Vegeta lay back down, out of breath. _Are infants really this weak?_ Vegeta thought, trying to raise himself up again to fall flat on the crib mattress with a loud "POOF"  
Goku tried to sit up soon after the crib mattress shook, he failed as well.

_**Goku:** Hey, Vegeta, are you awake?  
__**Vegeta:** Yes.  
__**Goku:** Can I ask you a question?  
__**Vegeta:** You already did.  
__**Goku:** Can I ask another question besides that?  
__**Vegeta:** ...That's another question right there.  
__**Goku:** --sighs-- Do you know how to sit up in these bodies?  
__**Vegeta:** Not a clue, Kakkarot, but I think if we train we can figure it out.  
__**Goku:** Train? Like in the Gravity Room?  
__**Vegeta:** Hmm...I doubt _your_ infant body could withstand more than 5 extra, but seeing as I spent the younger portion of my childhood on the Planet Vegeta, could easily take 10.  
__**Goku:** Yeah, I guess you're right, Vegeta. On King Kai's planet the gravity was a real shocker!  
__**Vegeta:** Of course I'm right, you fool.  
__**Goku:** So how are we gonna train, 'cause I really wanna sit up.  
__**Vegeta:** Just do what I do, Kakkarot._

"Well, Gohan," Bulma said, Chi Chi had already left for her meeting and Bulma was hurrying to be punctual for her own, "You and Videl may have a real job in front of you with babysitting those two. I suggest you go and check on them right now, they've been sleeping most of the morning away. Goodbye."  
"Bye, Bulma," Gohan said with a wave.  
Bulma left for her meeting.

"Uh...Gohan," Videl spoke nervously, "Exactly who are we babysitting?"  
Gohan took a deep breath and explained everything to her while Videl's mouth opened wider than it had at the World Tournament.  
"I guess we should go and check on them like Bulma suggested," Gohan said, taking to the stairs.  
Videl followed.

Gohan and Videl walked in to see Goku and Vegeta in the middle of their training exercise.

Seeing as punches and kicks were part of Goku and Vegeta's usual regimen, but their fists and feet were too heavy to move quickly, they were just flapping them around. It looked as if they were trying to make snow angels in the middle of the crib's ducky blankets.  
The next step was performing pushups...or something similar to it perhaps. Goku and Vegeta pressed their fists to the crib, in attempt to flip themselves over, which knocked them both into the crib bars.  
"WAAAAAAAAAAH!" they cried in unison.

"Er, I guess our job is starting, Videl," Gohan said, picking up his father.  
Videl looked uncertainly at Vegeta, but she picked him up as well.

_**Goku:** --sniffles-- I think I have a boo boo.  
__**Vegeta:** ...Just because we have the bodies of infants doesn't mean we have to have their minds as well.  
__**Goku:** What are you talking about? I always say boo boo.  
__**Vegeta:** --blinks--_

A few minutes later, both Goku and Vegeta were calm.  
"Now what," Videl said, "I never exactly looked after babies before."  
"Oh...er...I guess we should feed them something."  
Goku's face seemed to brighten and he began to babble happily.

_**Goku:** FOOOD! THEY'RE GONNA FEEED US! THEY'RE GONNA FEEEED US!_

Videl and Gohan trouped down towards the kitchen, babies in tow.  
"OK, I guess we should fix them a bottle," Gohan said.

_**Vegeta:** I'm beginning to tire of this bottle solution. I am a Saiyan, even as infants we can chew meats. Damnit, I want some more dinosaur meat.  
__**Goku:** Yeah, definitely! I mean yesterday, I was watching this show on TV, which this man named Fred and he had a pet dinosaur. I wonder how come he never ate it...it looked pretty good to me! Purple...yum...I like things that are purple.  
__**Vegeta:** --thinking: If I told him my penis was purple, he'd probably try to eat it--_

Gohan and Videl whipped up several bottles of Moo Moo Milk and stuck them in Goku and Vegeta's mouths.  
Goku and Vegeta had had their fill of milk when there was a loud explosion from outside.  
"What's going on?" Videl asked.  
"Don't worry, I'll go check it out," Gohan replied, putting his father in Videl's arms.  
Videl juggled both of the children, trying her best not to drop them.

Gohan returned about ten seconds later, "Videl, there's a crisis down town."  
"That's what the explosion was all about?"  
"Yeah, Chaozu and Mr. Popo just broke up and now Mr. Popo's on a rampage. He just beat someone to death with his flying carpet. I'll be back soon, hopefully, but you're probably going to have to take care of these two for a while. It can take some time to calm him down. Usually Dende does it when they're all alone...if you get my drift."

Videl sighed and set Goku and Vegeta down on the counter, "Er...do you guys understand me?"  
Goku and Vegeta sighed as well, attempting to nod, failing because of pudge as usual.  
"Well. If you're not hungry any more then I guess we should...watch TV or something."

Videl picked up both babies and carried them into the living room, sitting them up against the couch.  
Goku fell over. Videl set him up again.  
Vegeta fell over. Videl set him up again.  
Goku and Vegeta knocked into each other and fell of the couch.  
Videl cleaned up the blood and set them up again.

"Now," Videl said, putting away her bloodied rag, "We're going to do something I liked to do as a kid."  
Videl got the remote for the TV and turned to channel 348THIS498CHANNEL23ISNT234REAL323432

The music of an odd marching band began to play.  
A purple dinosaur walked onto the stage, "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family, with a great big hug and kiss from me to you. Won't you say you love me, too!"

_**Vegeta:** WHAT THE FUCK!  
__**Goku:** Ooh, I love Barney.  
__**Vegeta:** That should be my dinner! Not my entertainer.  
__**Goku:** Shh! You're making me miss the show! Ooh, here comes BJ!_

"Are you guys enjoying this?" Videl asked.  
Goku began to giggle madly whereas Vegeta attempted to cross his arms, scowl, and look away, but failed and simply fell over again.

_**Vegeta:** I have to kill this dinosaur! He's getting on my nerves. I can't take this anymore.  
__**Goku: **--gasps-- You can't kill Barney! I WON'T LET YOU!  
__**Vegeta:** Oh yeah?  
__**Goku:** Yeah!  
__**Vegeta: **Oh yeah!  
__**Goku:** YEAH!  
__**Vegeta:** OH YEAH!  
__**Goku:** YEAH! BRINGITH THINE BISCUITS!  
__**Vegeta:** It's been brought!_

Vegeta and Goku then attempted to fly at each other and beat the crap out of one another as usual, but it looked more like an odd cat fight. Their hands flapped at each other and they wiggled around.

"What are you guys doing?" Videl asked.

_**Goku:** I'm going to get you once and for all Vegeta! Planet, all living things, please give me all your energy. Even you, Barney, even you.  
__**Vegeta:** --blinks-- Kakkarot, you've lost your damn mind._

Goku and Vegeta waited about an hour while watching the Barney show to see if the spirit bomb would form.

_**Goku:** --scratches head-- ...I guess you have to be able to make the words right for it to happen. Tehe!  
__**Vegeta:** --sighs-- I swear I can't take this anymore. I have to rid myself of this purple creature before I go insane!_

Vegeta looked around him, searching for something that would end the madness. That's when he spotted it, the TV remote.  
Videl was turned the other way, earphones in ears, listening to her iCap (invented by Capsule Corporation of course).

Vegeta managed to make his pudgy little hands grab the TV remote. Vegeta rarely watched TV because he:  
a) thought that anything besides watching people beat the shit out of each other on Jerry Springer was stupid  
b) spent most of his time training to one day go on the aforementioned show (not to beat someone up, just to shout "Jerry! Jerry!")

Vegeta attempted to press the bright red power button, but failed, his finger wouldn't reach it. Vegeta tried several more times, all of which ended in failure. Goku senselessly continued watched Barney.  
In frustration, Vegeta pulled back his arm and flung the remote as hard as he could.  
The remote hit the TV, landing, not on it's power button, but on the next channel.

"This just in," said a TV news reporter, "The situation downtown is getting worse. This man," here they showed a picture of Mr. Popo, "has become enraged after his breakup from this man," here a picture of Chaozu popped on the screen. "The homosexual beings have been, unfortunately, experienced unfortunate extremities. Mr. Popo has spent most of his life in the sun, turning him from carmel to a chalkboard black. He has been slightly derranged ever since he atteneded a barbeque and someone put him on a grill mistaking him for charcoal. The other, whose name appears to be Chowder, has unfortunate parentage. His mother was a circuis clown and his father was a polar bear. He has been living in the Artic Circle ever since the scandal of his birth was reported by a universal news team. We are unsure whether the dots on his face are from permanent makeup from his mother, makeup from his recent announcement that he is indeed a transvesdite, or the shame and humiliation of his life."

A woman ran in front of the camera, handing the man a new stack of papers.

"Uh...," the man stumbled, "This also is just in." He cleared his throat.  
"Child entertainer Barney," the purple dinosaur appeared on screen here, "Has been caught up in several nasty lawsuits. He is the first dinosaur to be allowed out of his natural habitat with promises of strictly good intentions. However, his promise has been broken.  
Barney drank seveteen shots of Vodka the other night at a local bar. He shot two children that he claimed, at the time, had deserved it. They were annoying him on set and were continuously singing off key. The children did not die and Barney became unsatisfied at the result of his actions. Barney, who was also on several highgraded tranquilizers, which he claim 'make him feeeeeel good', he then shot Baby Bop and BJ, who died on contact with the bullets. On realization of his actions, Barney pulled out a knife and stabbed himself in the heart. The children, who were highly upset over the deaths of Baby Bop and BJ, began to pummel Barney until he was simply a pile of purple dust. One of the children has agreed to an interview."

"Yes I have," said a tall man, who looked about 22, "I played a kid on the show, you know, the six year old named **_This Name Has Been Erased Due To The Author Not Wanting To Be Sued and For The Purpose of Your News Broadcast_**. And before this show I didn't know how to love."  
Vegeta looked over at Goku, who's lower lip was wobbling, tears filling his eyes.  
"But," the man went on, "BJ showed me how to. He taught me the true meaning of the song! He always sang everytime he did me in the ass."  
The news reporter's jaw dropped, as did Goku's. Suddenly an array of colors with a black bar alerting a TV error filled the screen.

Vegeta burst into laughter.

"What?" Videl said, looking up, "Barney's off already? It's only 3...oh well, I brought some tapes of Telletubbies over anyway."  
**(A/N: ...I've already said too many things about homosexuality, I'm going to leave it alone and move on...or will I?)  
**"Now, for this episode of telletubbies uncut," said a funky sounding voice.  
"Mmph, yeah, give it to me Dipsy. Ah yeah! MMPHP. STICK THAT HAMMER UP MY ASS BOB!"  
A character in a hard hat moved in front of the camera as a lot of slapping noises were heard.  
Videl's face turned red, "That's the last time I buy anything from Master Roshi!" she quickly took the tape from the VCR.

Videl looked at the news to see a reporter saying, "Mr. Poo Poo, please don't hurt me!"  
"DAMNIT, MY NAME IS MR. POPO, BITCH!" Mr. Popo then proceeded to remove his turban and wrap it around the unfortunate reporter's neck.  
Videl turned the channel again, "He seemed like such a nice man," she muttered.

Another TV announcer said in a zany voice, "Guess what, kiddos? We're back with another episode in our 590845 hour Barney marathon! Right now, we're in hour 1!"  
Vegeta groaned, he really couldn't take this anymore...

Five minutes later Videl let out a scream, Goku gasped, and Vegeta smirked out of satisfaction.

Gohan arrived home about an hour later after getting Mr. Popo and Tien together, the two were now glued to each others bodies at the lookout tower.  
"Hey, Videl," he shouted, "I'm _baaaaack!_"  
"Hey, Dad, Vegeta," Gohan said, passing the two adults...er...babies...whatever...  
"Videl! _Where are you?_"  
Gohan searched the house for quite some time before deciding to follow her ki.

He passed by several large rooms until he reached a small broom closet.  
Gohan opened the door...

Inside Videl was naked and clearly beaten with something. The weapon, which appeared to be next to her, was a baby rattle.  
Her mouth had been filled with a Barney stuffed animal and a piece of duct tape had been wrapped around her head.

It may have been Gohan's imagination, but he could have sworn that he heard a voice that sounded like Vegeta's except several pitches higher singing...

"I hate you, you hate me, let's kill Videl and Bawney wif a gweat big rattle and a ki blast to the head. Now Videl and Bawney are dead."

**(A/N: I am not an anti-Videl, I think Videl is rawkin! But she is babysitting Goku and Vegeta? Did you expect her to come out in one piece? Honestly... The only reason Chi Chi and Bulma can survive is because they're the _original_ bitches...they can do it all :P)**


	4. Is A Year 9 Days?

**Disclaimer: **Refer to the last chapter...

Quick Author's Note: I am not some raging anti-homosexuality person, there just weren't enough girls to go around for the DBZ boys...

Let's Review: OK, after I made everybody OOC in the last chapter for the purpose of my twisted mind, Videl babysat Goku and Vegeta and let them watch Barney, Mr. Popo went on a wild rampage, almost everybody was gay...blahblahblah...nothing important.

_THIS CHAPTER WILL FEATURE THE CHARACTERS BEING (can't promise you _completely) _IN CHARACTER! AREN'T YOU HAPPY?_

The original plan was to at least have the characters mostly important but I DEFINITELY failed with that in the last chapter with the whole dating service, but I had to dump my sick and evil humor somewhere before it went in overload and I killed someone...the people with my that funny straight I-Love-Me jacket are always telling me to empty my mind here.

**Chapter 4:** Is A Year 9 Days?

Goku woke first, it had been a week since the Videl incident. The poor girl had exited the house, half mad, and now in intense therapy sessions. The second wish on the dragonballs that were going to be put into use next year was going to be for Videl to regain her sanity. Goku was thoroughly sick of being a baby. The effects of Moo Moo Milk seemed to be taking a bad toll on him. The side effects includes hair loss (Goku was beginning to suspect that the cool feeling over his scalp was not constant air conditioning), excessive crabbiness (Goku was still his usual happy self but Vegeta appeared to be even more ready to stick Goku's head through the bars of the crib), and death (after Puar had accidentally taken a sip of Moo Moo Milk he had proved this effect to be true, Yamcha had drank some as well to be with his little _friendly friend_).

The sunlight pouring through the windows made him feel even happier. What a beautiful day it was...

Vegeta's eyes opened abruptly...he felt like murdering that evil mooing cow and the other occupant of his crib.

_Kakkarot can go first_ Vegeta thought darkly, eying the saiyan _And what do you know, he's awake. It's all the more fun when they fight back...  
_Vegeta knew that as infants, he had been stronger than Goku and planned to exploit this...as soon as he could walk...

_**Goku:** Hi, Vegeta! What's up?  
**Vegeta:** Hmpfh...  
**Goku:** Why do you always say hmpfh all the time?  
**Vegeta: **Hmp- because I want to, that's why Kakkarot, do you have a problem with that?  
**Goku:** Hmpfh_

_**Vegeta:** Answer me properly, Kakkarot!  
**Goku:** Hmpfh!_

Goku put so much emphasis into the sound that flecks of spit spackled Vegeta's face.  
"Kah koo roh!" Vegeta shouted.  
**_Vegeta:_** _KAKKAROT!_

Bulma and Chi Chi sat in the kitchen, drinking coffee while Goten and Trunks fixed themselves a breakfast of cereal, toast, muffins, and anything else that was in the kitchen. Goten was so hungry he'd nearly bitten off his own leg.  
Goten pulled out a box of Trix Cereal (which I don't own and are not affiliated with in any form or fashion, do not sue me for including them in this fanfiction) and was about to down the entire box when Trunks snatched it from his hands.  
"HEY! Give it back!"  
"This is _my_ house, Goten, and I always eat that."

"Nuh-uh, Trunks, _you can't!_"

"Oh yes I can!"  
Goten sighed as if Trunks were an idiot, "You said you were a grownup last week and Trix are for kids!"

(A/N: Oh like you didn't see that coming)

At the table, Chi Chi and Bulma sat maturely, Chi Chi took a sip of her coffee...  
"Aren't Vegeta and Goku just adorable as babies," Bulma said with a giggle.  
"Yes," Chi Chi said, "But of course I knew my Goku would look like that, just like Goten... But I'm suprised that monster can look so innocent."  
"YOU BETTER NOT BE TALKING ABOUT VEGETA!" Bulma shouted.  
"So what if I am?"  
Bulma growled, "Do you really want to mess with me?"  
Chi Chi raised an eyebrow, "Was that a challenge?"  
"Oh you bet it was!"  
"Fine then!"  
Bulma and Chi Chi engaged into an odd Bitch slap down contest, the electricity crackled in the air.  
The power of the bitch would always beat out that of normal ki. Even that of a saiyan, which was exactly why Goku (although he was such a purehearted person that he probably wouldn't try to cross her anyway) and Vegeta (yes, even the tempermental badass prince was not fond of disagreements with Bulma) could be kept in line.

Krillin, 18, and Marron had finally finished their hunt for Marron's nose, and although it was small, it was better than not being there at all. They were in West City, and Krillin could see a domeshaped building coming into view.  
"Hey, 18," Krillin said, "Since we're in the neighborhood and all, d'ya think we could and go see Bulma?"  
18 thought for a moment, "Fine," she said.  
"Aww, Daddy I don't wanna go," Marron said.  
"Why not Marron?"  
"Goten and Trunks keep using me as their practice target! They say that hate pink!" she whined, "BUT I HATE GETTING BOO BOOS MOOOOORE!"  
"Goten and Trunks went to the movies, ever since Trunks turned 9 and Bulma's mother told Bulma that Trunks was a man, who knew Bulma listened to her mother so much! The kid's been smoking cigars and hanging around brothels ever since. You should be fine."

Krillin and 18 rang the doorbell to Capsule Corp several times.  
"Wonder what's going on in there," Krillin said, he put his ear to the door, "Oh no, I think they're having a--"

"Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!" Trunks chanted, "GO MOM! YOU CAN DO IT!"  
Goten sat back, watching the entire event as Krillin, 18, and Marron entered the house.  
_...I'm hungry_ he thought.  
18 took charge of breaking the two apart as Krillin was too afraid to do so.  
"I think I'll uh...go check on Goku and Vegeta, Marron you stay here." the bald ex-Monk dashed up the stairs.

Krillin entered the room to see Vegeta holding Goku against the side of the crib and trying to strangle him with the blanket.  
When this action failed, he pushed Goku down, put a pillow to his head, and sat on it.  
Goku, flailed his arms about helplessly while Krillin chuckled and intervened.

"You're still trying to kill Goku eh?" Krillin asked.  
_**Vegeta:** Back of baldy- shit- you're not bald anymore. Fine then, move midget.. Hmpfh..  
**Goku:** You're not very tall yourself, Vegeta.  
**Vegeta:** IT'S THE GENE POOL DAMNIT! EVERYONE SEEMS TO THINK IT'S SO FUNNY TO POKE FUN AT MY HEIGHT!  
**Goku:** Oh...so you're sensitive about it.  
_Vegeta growled  
_**Vegeta:** I am no emotional fool. Although I may kill you for the insult.  
**Goku:** Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, Vegeta. But don't worry, to make it better, we should hold hands and sing a song. Can't you feel the love in the room?  
**Vegeta:** KAKKAROT SHUT UP!  
**Goku:** Don't be so abrassive, Vegeta, honestly.  
**Vegeta:** ...You know what abrassive means?  
**Goku:** Yeah, I was helping Gohan study, it was in the second column of the dictionary.  
**Vegeta:** ...You can read?  
**Goku:** Well, duh! How else would I know which microwave dinner to buy when Chi Chi's gone.  
**Vegeta:** -blinks- _thinking: I knew it was too good to be true

"Well, your wives are fighting in the kitchen," Krillin said, trailing into some story about how 18 and Marron were trying to seperate them.  
_**Vegeta:** Bulma will win of course.  
**Goku:** I don't think so, Vegeta. Chi Chi has a lot of training in the martial arts, and she's an expert with a frying pan! -rubs large lump on head- I can't believe she's still beating me when I'm this size!  
**Vegeta:** I would've beaten you, too if you spit up on me.  
**Goku:** But the Moo Moo Milk was getting old! It had to go somewhere...I thought her eye was the best place._

Soon, Bulma and Chi Chi, who looked very ragged and still had crackles of electricity left in their eyes, wandered into the room. They did look a lot better than they had five minutes ago when they had been pulling each other's hair. But once Chi Chi whipped out a frying pan and Bulma pulled out a capsule gun the fun had really begun...  
Of course, that was when 18 finally overcame her two bitchy friends and settled them down before they missed target and hit Marron...again.

Bulma, Chi Chi, and 18 were all in the nursery, looking at the two babies.  
Suddenly, there was the sound of a girlish scream.

"Trunks, Goten! You better not be trying to use Marron as a dartboard again!" Krillin shouted.  
"We're not!" Trunks shouted back.  
"Or flush her down to the toilet!"  
"We're not!" Trunks shouted again.  
"Or perform openheart surgery on her!"  
"We're not!"  
"Yeah!" they could hear Goten shout, "It's not open heart, it's _brain_ surgery."  
"DADDY! MOMMY!" They could hear a little girl shout, "I DON'T WANNA GET A NEW BRAIN! AND I GOTTA PEE! REALLY BAD! I THINK I'M GOING TO GO! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
**"SHE PEED ON ME!"** Trunks yelled, running down the hall.  
Everyone in the room performed that annoying-  
A/N: not going to finish sentence -sighs-

"You know," Bulma began thoughtfully, "If I could make a time machine, do you think I could make something that would speed up Goku and Vegeta's aging?"  
"That's a good idea, as much as I love Goku, I think I prefer him as an adult," Chi Chi replied.  
"I just have to figure out how to contain time to just one person and I can speed them right up again. I bet I could come up with something soon," Bulma took off down the hall straight for her lab.

Goku smiled his large, genuine, silly smile and he could have sworn that he saw Vegeta give a small, but happy smile of his own.  
_**Goku:** We're gonna be big! We're gonna be big! We're gonna be big!  
**Vegeta: **Calm yourself, Kakkarot.  
**Goku:** We're not gonna be small, we're not gonna be- well actually, you're going to be small, but I won't!  
**Vegeta:** WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THE HEIGHT JOKES, KAKKAROT!  
**Goku:** I forgot.  
**Vegeta:** What's that awful smell?  
**Goku:** You know that whole 'when you gotta go, just go' thing that babies live by...?  
**Vegeta:** Ugh, would you please take care of your waste system.  
**Goku:** OK, I'll get Chi Chi to do it. She'll be seeing my food twice!  
**Vegeta:** -rolls eyes disgustedly-_

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Goku whined.  
"What's that smell?" Krillin said, holding his- wait, how the heck is Krillin smelling things, and he has no nose to hold, this story must be immediately revised...  
Vegeta lifted a chubby finger to point at Goku's diapers.  
"Uh...Chi Chi!"  
"Chi Chi left to by groceries since the stores only a block or two away," 18 replied.  
"18...Goku's having some...er...diaper troubles."  
"You want me to change him?"  
Krillin nodded nervously.  
"Forget it, Krillin."  
"But-But."  
"_Forget it._"  
Krillin sighed as 18 left the room to help Chi Chi shop for groceries, Krillin watched her fly out the window. His last hope disappeared.

Suddenly, the smell in the room worstened, if it was possible.

_**Goku:** What's that smell?  
**Vegeta:** ...Remember that theory you had earlier?_

"Shit," Krillin swore, "Vegeta needs to be changed to. I guess I'll start with Goku first. Why me? First I die the most out of anybody and now I'm probably going to die again, these fumes are toxic, I swear."  
Krillin took a brief look at the two babies, a lightbulb immediately appeared over his head, "I'll be right back."

Krillin returned to the scene with a gas mask, tongs, seven pairs of latex gloves (all of which he had put on), diapers, baby powder, and a large **Change Your Baby's Diaper Before You Keel Over Dead...For Dummmies!** A/N: I do not own and never will own the For Dummies series because I'm much too big of a dummy to write that book

_I'm going in_ Krillin thought.  
He used the tongs to skillfully remove the tabs of Goku's disposable diaper, one tab gone, two tab gone. He pulled back the front with the tong.  
This was a wrong, wrong, wrong move.  
Suddenly, Goku had an urge _down there_, and being a baby that was used to going on anything was not going to help Krillin.  
_Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss_ Goku emptied his bladder all over his friend.  
Krillin stood there, disgusted, allowing it to run down his face before breaking down and screaming, "WHY! WHY!"  
Soon, Goku was clean and happy.

The smell in the room remained.  
_Aww man_ Krillin thought, trudging over to Vegeta and repeating the same tong movements he had for Goku, but he jumped out of the way, not wanting to get soaked in piss again. Krillin had made a smart move as Vegeta, too had felt the need to urinate on something. The wall was now stained and the curtains were dripping. The window was open and a bird was hit with the liquid, which knocked him to the ground dead.  
Krillin flipped Vegeta over to deal with the more serious problem, saiyans have bigger muscles, saiyans have bigger power levels, saiyans have bigger appetities. And it's that damn appetite that makes them have bigger shits.  
Krillin gulped and began his journey to make chibi Vegeta clean.

About four sunlit days later, Krillin was rocking back and forth in fetal position, sucking his thumb.  
Goku had thought this was funny and began copying his actions.  
Vegeta was the only one who knew that Krillin was having a nervous breakdown.  
"So much shit," he moaned, "So much shit."  
That's exactly how Chi Chi, 18, and Bulma had found him.

"Well, I've got good news," Bulma said, "We've figured out a way to turn you into adults that should work instantly."

**Oh my gosh! What have I done? Will the story just end in a few weeks? NO WAY! No, this has nothing to do with Namek because the whole series seemed to forget about Namek's dragonballs the whole freaking time. Honestly, they could wish Mirai's timeline back to normal just by building a ship to Namek and then wishing Piccolo back to earth and then- wait a sec, I'VE GOT MY NEXT STORY! Hahehahehahehahehahehahehahehaheha. Well, anyways, this fic is nowhere near over and I plan to make it get funnier. Sorry for my insertion of diaper changing humor.**


	5. Stages & Phases: Invention Success?

**Chapter 5:** Stages & Phases: Invention Success?  
**Disclaimer:** If you still need this message, refer to the last chapter, this goes for all stories I have written or will write. If you even think you recognize it, it does not belong to me.  
**Let's Review:** Goku and Vegeta are really tired of being chibi people. Bulma & Chi Chi have bitch fight. Krillin changes diapers. Bulma walks in suddenly announcing that she can instantly turn them into adults.  
**A/N:** Oh yes, I am sorry for the length of time it took me to update. I am still grounded but I'm working on my laptop in the bathroom so nobody knows what's going on (oh the wonders of claiming constipation, you see what I do for you people) but I was fresh out of ideas for a while  
I know the last chapter wasn't all that good (well too me it wasn't), it was rushed, I waited a (long) while for this one  
I changed up my author's page 'cause I'm wonderful like that! ()  
An additional note is that this chapter is a filler, chapter 6 will be up almost immediately after this one, it's pretty short, sorry.  
+ It's took me forever to find some place to insert humor into the damn thing so I hope everyone's satisfied lol

**

* * *

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"Ih to wuh doh toh," Vegeta babbled.  
_**Vegeta:** Is it true, woman? Don't toy with me!  
_"You can actually turn them back into adults?" Chi Chi asked, baffled.  
"Yep," Bulma said, "If I can invent a time machine-"  
"That was a different you, Bulma," Chi Chi broke in.  
Bulma growled softly, not exactly wanting to restart their previous arguement after meeting up with the Frying Pan of Doom (trademark of Chi Chi!)  
"And coming up with a radar that can detect the most mystical magical powerful, super strong balls."  
"...That one just came out wrong," Chi Chi said.  
Bulma sweatdropped, "Whatever! The point is, I can change them back!"

Vegeta and Goku's eyes both widened.  
_**Goku:** We're not gonna be babies anymore!  
**Vegeta: **FINALLY!  
**Goku:** Yea! Hooray! I'm happy enough to hug someone!_  
Goku wrapped his arms around Vegeta, squeezing him tightly.  
Vegeta was so happy, he didn't even know Goku was hugging him.  
_**Vegeta:** I'm going to kick that blue freak's ass! I'm going to kill Kakkarot! I'm going to kill my son and his stupid clone-for-a-friend! ...I'm going to be there to splash Bulma with mud the next time she decides to get into a cat fight!  
**Goku:** I'm happy! I'm happy! I'm happy! I'm so happy I could huuug Pilaf. I could huuug Goten and Trunks. I could huuug Chi Chi...and then run from her frying pan and kilt of doom!_

"Awww," the room said, watching Goku with his arms around Vegeta and Vegeta not resisting.  
"Maybe we should keep them like this for a few days," Chi Chi suggested, watching her husband seem to dance around yet still be immobile with the saiyan prince is his arms.  
"I'm going to go get my camera," Bulma said.

Vegeta who was on the verge of dancing around himself, began to hug his own body. Or what would've been his own body.  
_**Vegeta:** KAKKAROT!  
**Goku:** Sorry Vegeta, sometimes I just get this urge...and I couldn't control myself... Have you ever had an urge to do something Vegeta?  
**Vegeta:** I've had the urge to kill you...  
**Goku:** ...Do you still have it?  
**Vegeta:** Yes.  
**Goku:** Oh...  
**Vegeta:** If I were to hug you, Kakkarot, it would be an attempt to strain your organs until they came out of your eye sockets.  
**Goku:** Er...how about we get back to that happy thing about being not little anymore_

"OK, if I review the plans correctly for the time machine, it'll take me no more than a day or so to get this one up and working."  
**A/N:(Yes, it would take more than a day for Bulma to do this but you don't want a SUPER DUPER short chapter now do you?)**

_**Later That Day...**_

"I've done it!" Bulma screamed, running from her lab, "I'm a genuis! Bow to my superiority!"  
Her hair was on ends and more messy than Albert Einstein's.  
"Get Goku and Vegeta!" Bulma said to Chi Chi.  
Chi Chi rushed off towards the nursery, anything that made Bulma not comb her hair was serious shit.

_**Goku:** NOOOOO!  
**Vegeta:** Stop whining, Kakkarot. We're going to be back to our regular size, you seemed overjoyed a minute ago.  
**Goku:** But...but...I just want one last sip of my Moo Moo._  
Vegeta sighed as Chi Chi gathered both babies in her arms.

"Put them right there, Chi Chi," Bulma instructed, pointing at a spot in a tank-like machine that had a hatched opened.  
Chi Chi did as she was told, placing the sobbing Goku and the annoyed Vegeta in the machine.  
"This isn't going to hurt them is it?" Chi Chi asked worriedly.  
"Weeeeeell," Bulma began, "One of the rats died, but don't worry I think he had a heart condition, and the other rat kept humping his dead body. But I don't think we should worry."  
Chi Chi was about to protest against this method but it was too late. Bulma pressed a button and Chi Chi knew from the whirring noises and flashing lights that the machine had begun it's work.

There was a loud boom and smoke steamed away from the machine.  
There was one Goku and one Vegeta.  
They were almost the same size as before. Only slightly larger.

"Bulma," Chi Chi asked, looking at her still small husband and his still small friend/rival/huuugin' buddy, "What happened?"  
"Damn!" Bulma swore, looking at the pair, "I should've known! I forgot to connect the Watchamadoodle to the Somethingtheauthordoesnthaveadamnclueabout to the Dontsueme switch."  
"Bulma, the only thing I'm skilled in is cooking, bashing people over the head with frying pans, and convincing my oldest son that education is the most important thing in life while letting my youngest fall through the cracks. I lived on a burning mountain most of my life, it was like Farenheight 451 in there, all the books I had burned."  
Bulma sighed, "They could be at any infant stage, I guess we'll find out more as we go along. I can't believe that for once in my life I was wrong!"  
"You rhyme!" Goku exclaimed, pointing at Bulma.  
"Hmm," Bulma said scratching her chin with her fingers while Chi Chi hugged her husband in happiness that he could point and form small words, a feat that had been impossible in his adult form, "They can talk now. I think they're about two years old. We'll run some tests and see what happens to them over a period of a day or so. If Vegeta is...a year older than me and I'm 16-"  
"Bulma, you're thirty eight."  
"I AM NOT YOU UGLY OLD MAID!"  
"I am neither! And you're atleast five years older than me!"

"Am not!"  
"Are too!"  
"Am not!"  
_Twenty minutes later..._  
"Am not!"  
"Am not!" Chi Chi screamed  
"Are too!"  
"See!" Chi Chi exclaimed, "I just Daffy Ducked you. HA! Who's the smart one now."

Bulma growled, turning back to her machine.  
She plugged several odd cords into a new machine and stuck them all over Vegeta and Goku's body.  
_**Vegeta:** I am not a test subject! I have rights as a saiyan prince  
**Goku:** And I have rights as his best friend!  
**Vegeta:** Excuse me! Who the hell do I look like? Midget Man? I am not your friend, I want to kill you. Get it through your idiotic, thick skull  
**Goku:** Oh c'mon Vegeta. That whole macho act is fading away. I can see that emotional underlaying that's just aching to be free. I mean, there's a whole new person, one that's dying to get out there and take deep whifs of fresh air without feeling penalized for having happiness. You're a soft as my butt- Chi Chi's always saying it's cushy- and you need to get it over it. Your evil days are done. We all know that deep down you love me, and every hateful look you send is really saying "I want you bad, do me now"._  
_**Vegeta:** ...Of course Kakarrot, I'm an emotional fool who bares his feelings on his sleeves, I have a heart of gold and I'm just as optimistic as Annie on the inside. And deep down I have a thing for you._  
_**Goku:** See, Vegeta! That's admitting it!  
**Vegeta:** Come here...Goku!**  
**_Goku toddled over to Vegeta, arms open, ready to resume their hug session, when he felt a painful slap across his cheek.  
_**Vegeta:** IF YOU EVER SUGGEST THAT I MAY HAVE FEELINGS LIKE THAT AGAIN, I WILL RIP YOUR ASS LIMB FROM LIMB!**  
Goku:** But my ass doesn't have limbs!_  
Vegeta proceeded to give Goku the beating of his life while Goku sat there confusedly.

"Vegeta, stop it!" Chi Chi shouted, seperating the two of them and whipping out her famous frying pan and giving Vegeta a not-so-gentle tap on the head.  
Vegeta began to cry, and Goku, realizing that he was indeed in pain started in as well.

"Forget turning them back into adults," Bulma said, picking up a heavy steel pipe from a table, "Shut the door let's get this over with now."  
Chi had to hold Bulma back from murdering both her husband and old friend brutally.  
"Calm down, calm down," she said, "Now, we'll get you off to bed and everything'll be fine, Bulma."  
"I can't take iiiit. This is worse than after I had Trunks. I don't like being a new mother!" Bulma whined, Chi Chi gave her a sympathetic pat on the back.

Goku and Vegeta blinked and gulped simultaneously.  
_**Goku:** Wow, today, sure is turning out to be violent.  
**Vegeta:** Everyday with me is violent.  
**Goku:** Ya know, you're right, Vegeta. But you know what I think about violence?  
**Vegeta:** It depends, are you in that everyone-just-died-there-looks-like-no-hope-but-somehow-I'll-find-some-stupid-way-to-save-the-day-again-and-find-out-that-there's-some-type-of-super-saiyan-10000000-that's-only-achieved-when-the-whole-world-has-been-destroyed-and-it's-time-for-me-to-kick-ass-in-some-strange-battle-that'll-kill-myself-for-the-1000000th-time mood or your Barney mood?  
**Goku:** ...Barney._

"Well," Chi Chi said, finally having stuck Bulma with a tranquilizer, "Now that you're toddlers you'll be easier to manage. Can you walk?"  
Vegeta and Goku both demonstrated their new found ability by taking several baby steps in the machine.  
"Good," Chi Chi said, "Now, it's time for bed, I'll found out what's happening to you if you're still alive tomorrow morning."

**Author's Notes:  
Hey, review please because I like to know people have read my story...or I could come right out with the unmodest truth but I'll stick to the nicer story for now  
Ermmmm what else? Oh yeah, I was thinking of writing a new story called 'Prince Vegeta Goes To School' self-explanatory...I think I'll have a prologue up soon  
Oh yeah, this chapter wasn't very good but I'm going to wait a little while for the next one so I can let my sick humor level go up some. I want the next chapter to be funny enough to make milk squirt out of your nosey! The only exception is if you're Krillin. I'm 80 done with it but it's not funny enough but I promise it'll be coming soon to make up for the crap-de-crap chapter.**


	6. Three Is Trouble

**Chapter Five: Three Is Trouble**

A/N: Many thanks to my three year old cousins, one trip to their house and those two have got me inspired!  
Disclaimer: Oh like stories need this, the disclaimer is on the entrance to but I'll put it here just 'cause everyone else has one...I own nothing...

The next morning when Goku and Vegeta awoke it look as if they'd grown some.  
After Bulma had run some diagnostic tests on the two it looked as if they were three years old and not two.

That day, Trunks had come home from school with red dots all over his face.  
"Some stupid kid gave me the chicken pox," the demi-saiyan whined, "Dad always told me saiyans didn't get sick!"  
"I guess he was wrong."  
"I'm never wrong," interrupted chibi Vegeta in his high pitched voice, he came up to Bulma's knee.

"Aww," Bulma cooed, bending down to Vegeta's level, "What was that my little Veggie Weggie?"  
"...What did you just call me?"  
"Veggie Weggie, you know a petname."  
"I'm not a pet! Why should I have a petname?"  
"It's sort of like how you call Goku Kakkarot," Bulma replied.  
"Excuse me! My saiyan name is not Veggie Weggie. My full saiyan name is Prince Vegeta the 69th" **(A/N: in chap1 it's the 76th but I figured the 1st royal Vegeta would have to be a king...then some of the royalty would die in battle, etc., etc. I'm so dorky I actually added this to my story :P)**

"Mooooooom," Trunks whined, "I iiiiitch!"  
"Well, we don't have any medicine for chicken pox."  
"We don't?"  
"Why would we keep medicine for something I already had and your father claimed you'd never have?"  
Trunks didn't answer, but pouted his red lips out.  
"We'll have to run off to the pharmacy and the doctor's office I suppose."  
"The school nurse already saw me," Trunks said quickly, "They told me to take Chicken-Be-Gone."  
"It was't the old crusty one with the eyepatch was it?"  
"No."  
"The old man with the polaroid?"  
"Nuh-uh. The one with the big breasts."  
"TRUNKS!"  
"I was talking about chicken!"

Goku walked into the room, licking something sticky off of his fingers. He was followed by Chi Chi who was looking disappointed with the fact that Goku preferred to clean himself with his tongue and not the washcloth in her hands.  
Chi Chi took one look at Trunks and immediately made an obvious diagnosis, "You have chicken pox."  
"We know," Bulma and Trunks said together.  
"Mind going to the store Chi Chi?"  
"I guess not, besides, I've never had chicken pox."  
"You haven't?"  
"There was no one to catch it from," Chi Chi explained.  
"Now that you mention it," Bulma said, "We oughta get Vegeta and Goku a booster," here she glanced at Goku, who was picking wax out of his ears, "S-H-O-T."  
"That's a good idea, Bulma, we can come back for them as soon as we get Trunks' medicine."  
"Stay away from your father and Goku, Trunks," Bulma instructed her son.

"Vegeta, Goku, we're going to the store. You can take care of yourselves right?" Bulma asked.  
"Of course we can woman," Vegeta replied, pronouncing his r completely wrong **(A/N: I decided not to insert this, you can read it in that, three is tree, tree is twee way in your mind lol)**  
Bulma's face scrunched together as she resisted the urge to say 'aww'  
"Yeah, Bulma," Goku said, "We'll be fine."  
"Goodbye, my little Goku," Chi Chi said, blowing him a kiss.  
"Bye-bye, Chi Chi," Goku said, waving at her.

There was the slam of the door and the two toddlers knew the house was completely empty.  
Goku toddled off, "Wonder what they're gonna do with a rooster..." he thought aloud.  
"Now what, Kakkarot," Vegeta said after a long silence, he was bored to death and knew he couldn't train in his gravity room (he couldn't pronounce it correctly or reach the controls).  
"Foooood," he sang, "Beeeans. Beans beans the musical fruit the more you eat, the more you toot!"  
"There is no way in hell I'll be sleeping in the same room with you if you dare eat one of those flatuence-influencing beans."  
"...But I like beans."  
"Yeah, well, if you have beans, take Beano."  
"Okie dokie, Vegeta," Goku replied, "But there on a weally high shelf and I can't fly yet."  
"Isn't that too bad. You'll go beanless today, Kakkarot."  
"Aww...come on Vegeta! I really want beans," Goku whined.  
"Forget it, Kakkarot, there are bigger things to be accompwished."  
"Like what?"  
"That wasn't a rooster they were talking about. It was a booster!"  
"Like that chair you use to eat?"  
Vegeta growled, "NOT THAT KIND OF BOOSTER! A booster shot. With needles!"  
Goku's eyes widened with panic, "I HATE NEEDLES!! AHHHH!!! I DON'T WANNA GET A ROOSTER-"  
"Booster," Vegeta muttered.  
"SHOT! WAAAAAAAAAH!"  
"Kakkarot, we're no longer infants you know."  
"I know, but I always cry whenever someone mentions needles. I HATE NEEDLES!! AHHHH!!! I DON'T WANNA GET A ROOSTER-"  
"Booster," Vegeta sang under his breath.  
"SHOT! WAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
"There's a way we can avoid it," Vegeta said.  
It took Goku several moments before he paused and realized what Vegeta had said.  
"Five, four, three, two." Vegeta counted off.  
"Really Vegeta? You can figure out a way to do that?"  
Vegeta nodded, "All we have to do is make sure that those two don't get back inside."  
"Yeah!"  
"C'mon, Kakkawot, quickly if you don't want a shot, I've stolen the woman's house keys," here Vegeta held up a pair of keys, "But we still have to lock everything up."  
"Vegeta," Goku said slowly, "Why are you afraid of shots."  
"I'm not afraid, Kakkarot. Besides, that's none of your business!"

Vegeta was never going to admit to anyone why he disliked shots. It all started when he was three years old. There was a strong virus going around the planet Vegeta that he had somehow managed to catch. That alone had put him out of training sessions with the saibamens, who he was shorter than. Not that he was very excited to train, the saibamen had recently taken to taunting him. Hell, even Nappa seemed to slip in a shorty comment on the side.   
But how did that relate to shot-taking anyways?  
_Ah yes, two different men walked into his room._  
One of them had been his father, dressed in royal saiyan armor and looking odd with a white mask and goggles on his face.  
The other was a doctor dressed in lab attire, a white coat, a mask, and goggles.  
"Prince Vegeta, you're going to get a shot..." said the doctor slowly after a bow.  
"And? What's the big deal with that?" young Vegeta had asked.  
"Er...well...this might hurt a bit."  
"And? I'm going to be a gweat warrior someday, no pain, no gain."  
"Of course, your majesty," the doctor said with another bow, "You're going to hold him right King Vegeta?"  
The King nodded and gave the typical 'hmpfh' of saiyan royalty.  
His father walked over to his bed, grabbing his shoulders with one hand and his lower back with the other, pinning him into his pillow.  
"Whas going on?!" Vegeta demanded.  
Suddenly, the doctor had yanked down his pants.  
"HEY! THAT'S PRIVATE YOU CHILD MOLESTOR!"  
The doctor ignored this warning and pulled out the mother of all needles from his pocket.  
"What are you going to do with that? You're not going to stick it up my a-"  
Suddenly his question was answered as the massive log-like needles was poked into his right buttocks.  
**"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"** Vegeta screamed, **"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"**  
The shot wasn't even through yet, the pain was blinding as the green liquid sank into his chubby royal buttcheeks.  
His small tail was trying to get a hold of the needle and smack the doctor in the face with it.  
**"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"** Vegeta continued his shouting, **"FATHER HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?"  
**King Vegeta simply looked away, unable to see his son's swelling ass. The left cheek looked like a goftball whereas the one on the right was more towards the size of a beachball.  
When the shot was finally finished, the doctor searched around in his doctor's bag for a bandage.  
"You want the usual right, Prince Vegeta?"  
Vegeta's face was red and almost as puffy as his ass, "Mmhmm," he said with a nod as his father released him.  
The doctor pulled a bandage with Vegeta's face on it out of his bag.  
_I am Prince Vegeta_ it said _And I say that you're a weakling coward if you're afraid of taking a little hurt. WIMP!!!  
_The memory faded from Vegeta's mind and he unconsciounsly rubbed his ass.

"OK, Vegeta," Goku said, "If you _really_ don't wanna tell me then so be it."  
"Well," Vegeta said, heading towards the door, "Let's go."  
Vegeta and Goku both teetered over to the door of the room.  
"Let's do the front door first," Goku said.  
"I'll tell you which door we do, Kakkarot."  
"Okay, Vegeta, which door do you want?"  
"The front door."  
Goku sweatdropped and they headed towards the front of the house.  
Capsule Corp, being the large company that it is, caused both toddlers to be completely out of breath by the time that they reached downstairs.  
The duo paused to take several deep breaths of air before continuing on their journey.  
They finally reached the front door.  
Vegeta jumped up to close the lock on the door, "Shit," he swore, "I can't open this door!"  
Goku took several jumps as well.  
"Oh no," Goku whined, "We're trapped here, like pwisoners! I don't think I can take jail life!"  
Vegeta unzipped his pants, "Kakawot, bend over."  
"I think you're taking jail life a little too well, Vegeta!!!"  
"SHUT UP YOU IDIOT AND JUST DO AS I SAY!"

Goku looked over nervously at the other saiyan but bent down so he was on his hands and his knees.  
Soon he felt a pressure on his back and Goku looked up. Vegeta had extracted a _screwdriver_ from his pants and was using it to lock up the door.  
**(A/N: -hears Rugrats theme music playing inside head-)**

"Wow, Vegeta," Goku said, astounded, "How did you think of that?"  
"I'm a warrior, and a warrior needs a sharp mind on the battlefield."  
"Yep, that's right!" Goku replied, he then began to taunt the doorknob for his loss to the saiyans.  
"Nah nah nah nah nah, you suu-uuck," Goku sang.  
Vegeta and Goku continued this procedure for every door in the house. Then they went to go get some food and hang out in the living room.

"Oooh Barney!" Goku said, plopping down on the couch.  
_This week_ the TV said _On Barney Goes To Oprah, Baby B makes a confession  
Baby B: I'm...my name isn't Beebop, it's Bob. And I'm a transvesdite._  
(A/N: I love chapter 4 so freaking much...sorry...quick note to those who need it, I don't own and I'm not affiliated with either Barney or the Oprah Show / Oprah herself, or that dude who must be rich that plays Barney...)

Soon there was a loud knocking on the door.  
Both babies heads turned to the door.  
"VEGETA! GOKU! I FORGOT MY KEYS!" Bulma yelled, "NOW OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR!"  
Goku began to whistle...  
After a few moments Vegeta decided to respond, "IF YOU WANT THE DOOR OPEN, ASK NICELY!"  
"VEGETA! GOKU! I FORGET MY KEYS! NOW OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR _PLEASE_!"  
"We don't feel like it," Vegeta responded.  
There was a frustrated scream from the other side of the door.  
Vegeta and Goku both began to snigger as Bulma attempted to open the door. She then tried the windows and everyone else that opened in the house.  
Vegeta laughed loudly (and very evily) as Bulma failed repeatedly.  
Then it happened, there was a loud "Aha!" from somewhere outside.  
The doggy door.  
The Vegeta-Briefs household didn't actually own a dog. The Son's did. OK, Goku did. His imaginary dog Fido had visited them on several occassions and lived with them for several weeks when Goku was in training. Goku, being the considerate person he is, had insisted that a doggy door be built so that Fido could relieve himself freely. He claimed that it was an imaginary dog's right. One day, Goku had let Fido off his leash and he went running into the street... Fido was burried in the mountains near the Son's home and would always live on in everyone's heart. OK, not Chi Chi's, she'd said it was too messy. And not Gohan's, it ate his homework. And not Vegeta's because he had no heart. ...Fido wasn't even with Goku, he'd forgotten he'd had an imaginary dog the next day.

Two angry women entered the house several seconds later, "You're going to be punished," they both threatened.  
"As if you can harm me, I'm a saiyan, at birth I'd be stronger than you."  
Bulma growled but her face turned into a twisted smirk, "Guess who we met at the grocery store."  
Behind her was Gohan, Videl, and...Piccolo?

"What was the Namek shopping for?" Vegeta asked, unable to resist himself. "He can't even eat."  
"He was shopping for personal items," Gohan said, "Would you believe that Namekians have a menstrual cycle?"  
Piccolo clapped Gohan over the back of the head, "Quiet, Gohan!"  
"Fertility is a natural part of your body, Piccolo," Videl said, "You and Tien really should be more careful, you got the condoms and the pill right? I mean, You remember your pregnany scare last time, don't you?"  
Piccolo looked away, blushing purple.

(A/N:...sorry)

"Believe me, Vegeta, we can punish you," Chi Chi said.  
"Why are you acting as if it was all my fault? That clown, Kakkarot, had plenty to do with it?"  
"You were the one with the screwdriver!" Goku said, pointing his finger at Vegeta.  
"You were the one that wanted beans!"  
"Yeah well...yeah well...you came up with the plan!"  
Vegeta growled, "Booster shot, booster shot, booster shot, booster shot, I'll bet they have a long pointy needle!"  
Goku screamed and Vegeta smirked.

"It doesn't matter who did what! All that matters is that the two of you are going to be punished!" Chi Chi growled at the two.  
Goku gulped and Vegeta rolled his eyes.  
"Oh yes, the Namek and Kakarrot's brat, like they would dare."  
"Dare what?" Gohan asked, slightly confused.  
"Oh, I think that Vegeta and Goku deserve a little spanking," Bulma said, grinning widely, "Do you think you could do the honors, Gohan?"  
"No way! There are some things I just can't do, Bulma! Why don't you ask Piccolo?!"  
"Piccolo," Chi Chi said, turning towards the Namekian.  
"What is this 'spanking' you speak of?" Piccolo asked.  
Oh yes, the peaceful people. Like he and Dende hadn't been doing enough of that nightly spanking to know what it was by now.  
(A/N:...so sorry...)

"Well if you two won't do it," Chi Chi contemplated for several seconds, "Then who would..."  
"Mooooom," a young, lavendar-haired demi-saiyan whined, "I iiiiiiitch."  
"Yeah, I'm itchy, too, Mom," agreed Goten, begin to complain to Chi Chi with newly aquired red dots on his face.  
"Boys!" Bulma shouted, shoving the two towards their fathers.  
"What is it, Mom? I sent all the Playboys back, what's wrong now?"  
Bulma growled, "I didn't like that sex scandal you ended up in, Trunks. But we'll discuss that later. Right now I need you to punish your father."  
**(A/N: Don't ask me how a nine year old ended up in a sex scandal, please.)  
**Trunks turned to look at his young father with that same scowl his older self wore on his face 24/7  
"But that's suicidal!" Trunks whined, scratching feverishly.  
"But you're going to do it! Besides, he's a little kid. You're not scared of a little kid are you? He can't hurt you."  
"But what about when he gets big again!"  
"He'll have forgotten by then," Bulma said, clearly growing impatient.  
"But Dad's like an elephant, he never forgets!"  
"Yeah, well, if you don't punish your father, I'll have to punish _you_."

Trunks' eyes opened and he turned back to face his father and gulped, feeling the scowl burn into his face.  
"I'm sorry, Dad," Trunks said quietly.  
He and Goten wrestled with their fathers until they were both held over their laps. It didn't take much strength to hold down three year olds.  
Trunks gulped while Goten looked confused, "What are we doing again, Trunks?"  
Chi Chi sniggered, oh her frying pan of doom was- was still topnotch but this would have to do.

**_Five Minutes Later_**  
Trunks had sweated profusely while he yanked down his father's pants, raised his hand in the air and let down a good hard spank.  
It felt good.  
"Hey, Dad," Trunks replied, smirking, "Remember that time when I _accidentally_ messed around with the gravity controls and you gave me a spanking."  
Vegeta's head nodded, his ass was beginning to get soar and his mind was numbing.  
"...Remember when I said I'd get you?" Trunks finished sinisterly.  
_Oh damn_ Vegeta thought, feeling his son's hand smack over his bottom again and again and again... It hurt almost as much as when Vegeta's father had been pulling him over his knee. Of course, it reminded him of the day that he'd gotten fed up of the old man whom he was stronger than smacking his behind and he'd taken it into his own hands to reverse the role. _Like father, like son_ Vegeta thought meakly as his ass became an even hotter flame.

**_Fifteen Minutes Later_**  
"But, Chi Chi, I don't wanna goooooooooooooo!" Goku cried as his wife dragged him into the doctor's office. "AAAAAAH!"  
"Oh hello, little Goku," greeted the female doctor as she pulled him onto a table, "Are you all ready?"  
"NO!" whined Goku, "I'm not ready!"  
"Ahh...that's too bad. But don't worry, your little friend isn't taking it very well either."  
Vegeta had managed to kick two receptionists, one in the shin, the others in his "fellas". He had gotten the doctor into a strangle hold and was biting his ear, determined to pull a Mike Tyson and disconnect it from his head.  
There was a loud scream as someone managed to insert the needle into Little Vegeta's arm.  
"YOU BASTARD!" he screamed before jumping the unfortunate man.  
Goku gulped, he did not feel very confident about this whole shot thing.  
"Don't worry, Goku, your friend is using our first method of medical distribution. We've got a new one for you to try."  
Goku didn't know what she was talking about but it sounded good.  
"Here ya go, Goku," the doctor said, handing him a lollypop, " Your mommy told us all about your little fear and we got you something a lot better."  
Goku ignored the reference to Chi Chi as his mommy and took the whole lollypop in one bite.  
_That can't be healthy_ the doctor thought, but ignored the odd behavior as she let Goku off of the table.

Vegeta rubbed his ass as they exited the doctor's office. Goku was in Chi Chi arms, snuggling against her. Bulma was laughing.  
Vegeta promptly told Bulma exactly where she could go. She chased Vegeta around the parking lot and began to beat him over the head with a used condom, much more painful than it sounded.** (A/N: I once found a condom on the floor in 6th grade lol)**  
Goku did not document this behavior as out of the ordinary and began to suck his thumb. Ah, three years old, not such a terrible age after all.

**Review please.**


	7. School for a Chibi Kid ½

**Chapter 7: School for a Chibi Kid (1/2)  
Disclaimer: - insert snappy, over-ordinary disclaimer about how Akira Toriyama owns DBZ and all that shit here -  
Author's Note:** Due to the events within paragraph 3, I've been forced to move this rating up an M. Along with the fact that the mother-of-all cuss words is used.

It was the dawn of a new day. Today, the morning greeters were Trunks and Goten, who both seemed to have forgotten the events from the previous chap- day.  
"Hey Dad. Hey Goku. Chi Chi and my mom said that it's time to get-" Trunks' sentence broke off as he looked in on the scene from the bed.  
Vegeta and Goku both seemed to have outgrown the crib, they had to be at least a year or two older than they'd been yesterday, and were resting awkwardly. Goku's head had been slammed through the walls of the crib by Vegeta's foot--apparently, Vegeta was not completely satisfied with the results of his actions and was beating Goku with a broken rattle. Vegeta's eyes were closed sleepily; it seemed that trying to hurt Goku was second nature to him, an acutely developed sixth sense. Goku had this stupid grin on his face and drool hung out of his mouth, letting Trunks know that he was dreaming about food...or clouds. The ones with smiley faces. He was most likely dreaming about Nimbus going to a buffet.  
Trunks sighed and began dismantling the crib with his most careful ki blasts, making sure that he didn't get Goku's head by mistake. His father would be very upset. Not because Goku was dead, but because he wasn't the one that got to do it.  
"Boy," Vegeta barked in his pre-pubescent voice, "What's going on?"  
Goten answered for him, "It's morning, Vegeta," he pointed to a bright window.  
Vegeta growled, sitting himself up. Trunks sat Goku down on the now-barless crib. Several sections of the vertical and horizontal bars of the crib were still stuck around Goku's neck.

"I'm hungry!" Goku exclaimed, patting his stomach.  
"It's downstairs," Goten called over his shoulder as he and Trunks left the room.  
"Yeah," Trunks agreed, "We're only here for the wake-up call."  
Goku clammered out of bed carefully, still not entirely used to being able to walk again. Vegeta toddled around behind him. It took about three seconds for the two of them to lose their balance. Which was odd, even if they were adjusting to their new-old physical abilities.  
"Something's wrong with my walk," Vegeta observed.  
"Really? I didn't notice anything wrong," Goku said.  
"Kakarrot, get off the ground."  
"What grou- _oh_...sorry Vegeta, sometimes my mouth thinks ahead of my neck."  
"...You mean your mind?"  
"Uh...yeah."  
"If I had a quarter for every brain you didn't have, I'd have one quarter."  
"Yup! And if I had fish every night for every night I had fish, I'd have a lot of fish."

Vegeta blinked, "But what's wrong with our balance, Kaka- Kami! Is it...Is it really...is it you, old friend?"  
Goku looked around, trying to find the person that Vegeta was talking to only to discover that it wasn't a person at all. Vegeta was snuggling up with a newly formed brown appendage. _Boy_ Goku thought _Bulma suuuure is going to be jealous._ Goku looked down to find his own tail quivering around his ankles, he wasn't as happy as Vegeta was. All he could think about was hurting people with the full moon.  
"I've missed you so much," Vegeta said, holding on to his tail that curled around his wrist, "You missed me too, didn't you?"  
Goku raised an eyebrow.  
"I...I need you," he whispered to the tail, planting kisses along the tip, "_Please_."  
"Uh..." Goku said.  
"Kakarrot! Get out! This is a special moment between me and Luna."  
"You named it?"  
"JUST GET OUT!"  
Goku left the room; the situation was making him uncomfortable. It was good timing on his part, too because the moans, groans, grunts, and yelps coming from the other side of the door were unnerving.  
Eventually (around an hour later), Vegeta emerged from the room with his tail covered in a sticky white fluid, "C'mon, Kakarrot, let's go get break-" Vegeta was interrupted by his tail going behind him and tickling his buttocks, "Not now, Luna! Me and Kakarrot are going to get breakfast. I'll have fun with you later- besides, I've been saving a wip for that moment."

"Vegeta, Goku...what's going on?" Bulma asked, " Why is that mayonaisse all over your tail, Vegeta? Wait...YOUR TAIL?"  
"That's right," Vegeta replied with this smirk on his face, "And it's not mayo, it's-"  
"Good morning, Goku, Vegeta," Chi Chi greeted the pair brightly, "...Uh...is that tails I see?"  
They both nodded, well...not both...just Goku. Vegeta gave off one of those grunts (just FYI, it wasn't the Luna grunt...if ya know what I mean).  
"Me and Bulma were thinking yesterday," Chi Chi said.  
"Yes we were," Bulma agreed, clearly wanting to convey the information herself, "And we decided that the two of you are growing through a massive physical growth spurt but are missing out on the mental stimulation you deserve."  
"Smaller words, Bulma," Goku said.  
Chi Chi, who knew how to translate Japanese to Dummies stepped in for her, "We enrolled you in a daycare so that you can meet and play with other little children."  
"Have fun, Kakarrot," Vegeta said with this evil grin on his face, his tail gave off a faceless smirk.  
"Oh no," Bulma said, "You're going, too."  
"Me? I am a prince woman, not some child that you can toy around with," Vegeta replied promptly.  
"That's the exact crabbiness that demands that you attend this school," Bulma said, "You're going."  
"Make me," Vegeta muttered.  
"Fine then," Bulma said, gathering up the small, powerless prince in her arms, "I will."  
Vegeta, who had been caught off guard by the surprise pick-up attack, squirmed helplessly.  
_Shouldn't I be stronger than her_ Vegeta thought _Wait...I haven't trained at all! I'm only as strong as the average man. And if Bulma can take on that old pervert...who is just a tad stronger...than she can actually...-mental gulp- control me._

Bulma carted the prince up the stairs while Goku danced around happily, pulling off his night clothes to reveal his uniform orange gi, "Yea!" he chanted, "Schoool."  
"I'm glad you're happy, Goku," Chi Chi said with a smile..  
"Chi Chi," Goku said nervously, scratching his head, "...What's school?"

Several moments later, Bulma and Vegeta emerged downstairs. Vegeta was wearing a long black cape around his outfit with a special hole poked through for his tail.  
"What's with the cape?" Chi Chi asked Bulma.  
"Vegeta, take the cape off," Bulma instructed.  
"Do I have to?" Vegeta whined, discovering that it was much more effective in this body than the usual threat.  
"Yes," Bulma replied, "you do."  
Vegeta stood still, Bulma grew impatient and ripped the cape away from him. Her action revealed a white shirt, lime green pants, orange socks, and yellow shoes. Goku snorted, at least he somehow always had a spare gi to wear.  
Chi Chi put a finger to her chin in thinking, "You know Bulma..." she said slowly, "We should dress them alike!"  
A few more moments later, Goku was dressed exactly the same as Vegeta.  
"Now," Bulma and Chi Chi said silmultanesouly, "Let's get you two off to class."

It was a large black, barred building. That was the first thing everyone noticed. Guards surrounded it with loaded weapons. Several crackles of electricity were emitted from it.  
"...Are they going to school there, Bulma?" Chi Chi asked frightfully.  
"No," Bulma answered, "That's the jail next to school."  
No less than a meter away from the school sat a pink brick building that had chalked happy faces and rainbows messily printed on it. The school flag was merely a large butterfly.  
"That's school," Bulma said.  
Vegeta looked between the prison, his preferance, and the schoolhouse, "..That's..that's too happy."  
"I know," Bulma said with this large smile on her face, "When you come home, you won't be the least bit grumpy."  
"We'll see about that," Vegeta answered as the group of four took their first steps into the schoolhouse.

**THIS CHAPTER IS TO BE CONTINUED, I WAS GOING TO MAKE IT ONE LONG CHAPTER BUT THEN I DECIDED THAT THE BEGINNING WAS LONG ENOUGH BY ITSELF, I HAVE REVAMPED THE FIRST CHAPTER ALREADY, GO CHECK IT OUT AGAIN, THEN GO TELL A FRIEND, AND I WILL HAVE REVAMPED CHAPTERS 2-4 BY THE TIME I POST MY NEXT UPDATE. THANK YOU, PLEASE REVIEW. SORRY FOR THE ALCAPS BUT THE KEY IS SIMPLY MY FRIEND... HEHEHE**


	8. School for a Chibi Kid Finale!

**School for a Chibi Kid (now completed)**

**Disclaimer: DBZ belngs to Akira Toriyama, yes I know I just misspelled belongs but I didn't give a shit to go back and fix it. Deal with it.**

**This chapter is extremely long...or...the longest written...you guys deserved it...its the complete second half of School for a Chibi Kid and it took FOREVER. I've been working on all this time so love me for it, kay?**

The group entered the building.  
Bulma and Chi Chi observed the warm, friendly atmosphere with smiles.  
Vegeta growled louder and louder at each happiness-promoting poster he saw.  
Goku's mouth hung open as he looked around at the smiley faces throughout the walls.

Eventually, they all arrived at a large pink door.  
"This is it," Chi Chi whispered to the two chibis as Bulma knocked on the door.  
Several seconds later, a female teacher greeted the two of them at the door. She was short, but she had large porportions. They didn't make her overweight or even the slightest bit chubby, she had slender hips and a thin, heart-shaped face. But there was an unignorable part of her anatomy. The portion that jutted out right over the tops of Vegeta and Goku's head. Her breasts. They looked as if someone had shoved some of the members of the class down the front of her shirt along with several watermelons. _She_ should've been named Chi-Chi, because she sure did have the breasts to cover the meaning.  
"Hello," the teacher greeted them as Vegeta and Goku remained in shock from their view, but she bent down. Mistake. Her breats nearly popped out of shirt, most of them showed anyway, "You must be Vegeta and Goku," she spoke slowly with careful articulation.  
Vegeta grunted, Goku nodded happily.  
The teacher stood, which knocked Goku and Vegeta back several feet and said a few words to Bulma and Chi Chi.  
"Would you like to say goodbye to your mommies?" the teacher asked in that same slow voice.  
"Bye, Mommy!" Goku called to Chi Chi.  
"What about you, Vegeta, would you like to say goodbye to your mommy?"  
"No," Vegeta huffed.  
The teacher's face fell, "Are you sure?"  
"Yes."

The teacher led the two of them aside, "There are a few things I want you to know about this classroom before you meet the other children."  
"Whatever," Vegeta muttered as Goku walked alongside the teacher eagerly.  
"My name is Ms. Chur. Ms. T Chur. But there's no need for you to know what the T stand for." **(A/N: If you want to know what the T stands for just think up another name for breasts that starts with T...)**  
She led them over to a wide tank with some reptile sticking out in it, "This is our class pet," she said, "It's name is Lavvy for it's spots."  
The reptile in the tank was a white lizard with several purple spots.  
"Is it a girl or a boy?" Goku asked curiously.  
"We don't know," the teacher replied.  
Goku nodded intently before his eye's widened. _White, purple spots, nobody knows if it's a girl or a boy...FRIEZA!!!_  
Goku reached his hand in the tank before the teacher could protest and promptly through the lizard out of the window.  
"GOKU!" the teacher scolded, giving the boy a slap on the hand, "That's mean of you. You're a mean little boy."  
Goku winced and pulled his hand back; the lizard was long gone however.  
The teacher sighed, "Say you're sorry to Lavvy."  
"But teacher," Goku whined, "Lavvy's dead!"  
The teacher gave Goku a stern look that made him apologize to the late lizard.

"Now," the teacher instructed, giving both Goku and Vegeta light pushes on the back, "I want you to go and draw a picture."  
She instantly marked Goku down in her book as sadistic and Vegeta as grumpy.  
After several moments, Ms. Chur decided it was time to monitor the classroom's activities.

"And what are you drawing, Goku?" Miss Chur asked as she walked over to the small boy.  
"A smiley face and some happy clouds!"  
The teacher surveyed the gleeful child and instantly felt horrible for assuming his sadistic position due to the white, purple-spotted genetial-less lizard, "I'm sorry for that comment I made earlier about you, Goku. I should've known you were usually this happy."  
"That's OK, Miss Teacher Lady, I get a natural high off of life," Goku said with this huge typical grin.  
"That's excellent, Goku," the teacher replied, giving him a smile in return.  
"Yep, and when the natural high doesn't work," Goku continued on, "I turn to halujenic mushrooms. Mmm. _'Shuh-rooooomy_."  
The teacher blinked but opted to turn towards Vegeta in stead of Goku.

_If Goku was so happy...even if he was chemically instable...Vegeta might be too!_  
"What are you drawing, Vegeta?"  
"The demise of Kakarrot."  
"Demise! That's a big word, Vegeta," the teacher pinched the small boy's cheeks and in return received a growl, "But it's pronounced carrot- not kakarrot."  
"Shows what you know," Vegeta muttered.  
"Aren't you talking about a carrot, Vegeta?"  
"No," Vegeta replied, "Now leave me alone."  
The teacher looked at Vegeta with a raised eyebrow _Maybe I'm wrong about one of them_ she thought. The teacher did not leave Vegeta alone, however.  
"I'm sure you don't mean that, Vegeta."  
"I'm sure I _do_. Now fuck off."  
That was the last straw for Miss Chur. "YOUNG MAN!" she shouted, gaining the attention of the other students, "I will not tolerate--"  
"What's tolerate mean, Miss Chur?" Goku asked innocently.  
"Allow," Miss Chur answered sweetly.  
"...What's allow mean, Miss Chur?"  
Miss Chur did not respond to the confused Saiyans question but instead turned back to Vegeta, "I will not allow this behavior in my classroom. Now, you will do as I say and be a nice little boy or _else_."  
"I choose else," Vegeta said with this evil smirk on his face.  
"Oh you do, do you?" Miss Chur asked, voice raising rapidly.  
"Yeah," Vegeta replied, standing on his chair (which put him at eye level with Miss Chur's breasts), "I do."

Several minutes later, Vegeta was being carted off by prison security, they were performing a favor for Ms. Chur. They carried him, not back to Capsule Corp., but to the other classroom.

"Don't worry, Vegeta!" Goku called in his high pitched pre-pubescent voice to the saiyan prince, "I'll bust you outta there!"  
"I don't need your assistance, Kakarot!" Vegeta yelled back as he was slammed into the neighboring classroom.

_**Well, I really wanted to stop here...and if I had, this chapter would've been uploaded weeks ago...but I didn't.**_

The other classroom was no refuge for the young Saiyan prince. He looked around to see near matching smiley posters. But this class was slightly different. The woman in charge of the class didn't seem to care one way or the other if the students went off to elementary school or the penetentiary next door. She had her steel gray hair tied back into a bun and had a whistle around her neck.

"We have a new student, eh?" the teacher said, bending down so that her face was slightly above Vegeta's. The teacher clearly wanted him to recognize her as his superior.  
Vegeta raised an eyebrow.  
"I am Mrs. McFuhkkóff," the teacher extended her hand to give Vegeta.  
Vegeta, deciding that there was finally someone that he might be able to tolerate at this school--as soon as he showed her who was boss that is--extended his hand as well to shake.  
The woman had a tight grip that nearly brought Vegeta to his knees.  
_How could a human woman be so strong!_ Vegeta marvelled. _No, no, it's just this body of mine--I'm not anywhere near my standard right now._

"You came from the other class...troublemaker," Mrs. McFuhkkóff said, restating what Ms. Chur had said before he had been dragged into the classroom.  
Vegeta rolled his eyes, the teacher's eyes narrowed, "Do not roll your eyes at me, little boy. Now before you came here, we were exercising. Ask Shemann over there," the teacher instructed as she pointed to a student.  
The student in question was tall and bulky. At least 6 feet or so. Vegeta couldn't tell whether or not the student was a male or female. There were questionable parts of her anatomy that led him to believe female. But at the same time the voice the student spoke in was deep, defined, masculine **(think Barry White -lol-)**.  
"Since you're new, we'll start you off easy," Shemann said with a smirk. The student led him over to a set off weights, "Lift," he/she instructed.  
Vegeta, deciding it was about time to excell at something he could definitely do properly was shocked to find that he couldn't lift the weights.  
"How much does this weigh?" Vegeta said aloud rather quietly. He looked at the white peeling numbers _10,000 lbs / rougly 30,000 kg?!?!?!_  
Before he could get the weights into the air properly, they sank back down. Vegeta sighed as he began to sweat, his little body was being worked overtime. His tail, which had been napping since the morning incident, did not aid him in the least. But at least he wouldn't be embarrassed by having his only love know that he was being overworked...  
Vegeta wished he were in the other class...

_**I also considered ending the chapter here, but I knew I'd just end up with a discontinued story if I did...I was running out of ideas, juice, everything, and my brain couldn't be squeezed any more...so I waited...**_

There was an hour long, combined lunch and break time. The teachers were in their classroom's grading papers while the students did whatever they pleased.

In one corner of the playground, several students had found a busted bottle. They had begun throwing glass shards at each other but had finally decided on a nice, raunchy game of spin the bottle. The preschoolers did not seem to be bothered by the idea of having their classmates tongue down their throats.

In another corner of the playground, students began intense games of "house" with assigned mothers, fathers, childrens, relatives, and the occassional slave. It was a game for the elite pre-schoolers only. Where imagination and popularity ruled your fate.

And in yet another corner of the playground, two boys with oddly spikey hair stood.  
"So you really don't want me to bust you out?" was the first question that escape Goku's lips as he'd found his royal friend.

Vegeta did not answer. His preschool pride stopped him from saying 'No, I want your help', which had to have been written into his heart. But he was so used to saying 'Yes, Kakarrot, I don't need you, an idiot, to help me out of anything'. Vegeta considered his options, the other machines within the classroom looked violent. It appeared to be ancient methods used by the Spanish Inquisition. Cruel, unfortunate children were placed within them while they were moved into strength. Vegeta himself had trained hard as a boy, but he'd never trained to the death! And where were the regeneration tanks? The teacher was practically sending crippled children off to the hospital.

Vegeta let out a sigh, "I may require your assistance," he said.  
"Yippee!" Goku exclaimed, "I get to help! Alright, awesome!"  
"Here's the plan," Vegeta said, leaning in close to talk to Goku without any of the eavesdropping students hearing him...

_**I really wanted to end the chapter here but I realized it was just because I felt lazy...**_

"Mrs. McFuhkkóff," Vegeta said, pulling on the shirt of his teacher once he had reemerged into the building after the long break.  
"You may speak," the teacher said. Vegeta unconsciously admired her for her harsh and strong tone.  
"I have to relieve myself."  
The teacher raised an eyebrow.  
"In the bathroom."  
Another eyebrow was raised.  
"On the toilet."  
"Ah," Mrs. McFuhkkóff replied, "Why did you not do so at your break?"  
Vegeta thought for a second before he used an expression that his son had used on him many times before, "I didn't have to go then."  
"Fine then," the teacher said, understanding his predicament.  
Vegeta was released from class. When Trunks had used that line, Vegeta had usually beat the urine out of him. Problem solved.

Vegeta left class to go to the bathroom. Unfortunately, the school did not own one so he was forced to go into the prison next door.  
"Men's room's to the left," the prison guard said, not bothering to look up to see a preschooler entering the dark building. In one cell, a strayed kindergartner was being beat to a pulp by a tough-looking prisoner.  
Vegeta, who wasn't actually here to use the bathroom, entered it anyway.  
Around five minutes later, as was the plan, Goku entered the bathroom as well.

"What's phase two?" Goku as. He had entered the same stall as Vegeta; there were two other unoccupied stalls that the two warriors had checked for feet (seeing as they couldn't use their ki sensory technique yet).  
"When we go back into the building, you'll cause a distraction and I'll sneak into your classroom's supply closet and stay there until the end of the day."  
"OK, Vegeta, but what should the distraction be?"  
"Just think of something, Kakarot, _anything_."  
Vegeta and Goku both left the closet and journeyed back into the school.

Goku scratched his chin while Vegeta hid behind a coat rack in the hallway.  
And that's when it hit him like speeding trains hit door-to-door salesmen **(...i was out of good figurative language and i figured i'd use little old ladies too much)** he had a brilliant idea!

Vegeta, from his position in the hallway, finally got a good view of the classroom.  
He saw Goku walk over to the stereo (usually used for playing sing-a-long nursery rhymes) and pull a CD out of his shoe (Goku's favorite place to store things now-a-days) and insert it within the stereo.  
"Ah," Vegeta muttered, "He's going to cause a distraction with sound..."  
Little did he know, he was very wrong.

Goku adjusted the volume before pressing play. The music blared. Vegeta was about to rush into the classroom but Goku gave him a stopping signal. And that's when Goku's master plan was put into action.

First, the chibi saiyan began to work his fingers in the loops of his white shirt. He began to do some odd pelvic thrust. He began to dance, near hypnotically to the music. He pulled off the white shirt. All of a sudden, Vegeta realized exactly what Goku was doing. He'd thought for sure that Chi Chi would have kept the man out of night clubs!

Goku's stripping continued on until he was left in a pair of blue tighty whities. At the point, the teacher came to her senses and, when the students realized that the teacher was watching, they quickly took their dollar bills out of Goku's underwear. Some of which seemed more interested in feeling the underwear than they did regaining their dollar.

Vegeta took this as an opportunity to rush into the classroom while the teacher redressed the grinning Goku. Goku gave Vegeta the thumbs-up sign (which went unrequited) as he saw Vegeta rush into the closet.

Vegeta remained within the closet for a very long time it seemed.  
"Okay, class," he could hear the teacher say brightly, "it's time for arts and crafts! Now, our supply manager should go to the closet."  
_Knowing my luck_ Vegeta thought dryly _That closet is going to be this one..._  
And, since Vegeta's luck was clearly a bitch, indeed the pre-schooler did pick his closet to violate.

The child in question was humming the same song Goku had stripped two with over enthusiam and vigor. Vegeta rolled his eyes in disgust.  
"Work me like a nine to fiiiiive," the child sang under their breath. (Christina Aguilera - Get Mine, Get Yours...oh the one night stands...)  
The child felt the need to then pick up a piece of glue that was particularly close to Vegeta--Vegeta was already sucking in his stomach to make himself as small as possible, he didn't favor confrontations with pre-schoolers.

"**AHHHHHH!**" the small child scream, jumping backwards in fright, "**IT'S THE GLUE MONSTER!**"  
Vegeta blinked, but when the small child's screams picked up, he covered his ears and gave out a loud roar.  
The children in the classroom simultaneously dropped their work and stared towards the closet in wide eyes full of fear and anticipation.  
The teacher looked rather uncomfortable herself.  
"Er..." Goku said, looking around the situation and feeling quite awkward (the teacher had only given his shoes back and not only did he want to know what a glue monster was, he was nearly naked), "What's going on?"  
For an answer, the entire class scream and bolted from the classroom.  
The teacher led the way.  
Goku gasped, "Glue Monster...what... Show yourself, villain!"  
"Idiot," Vegeta said, stepping out of the cramped closet, "It's me."  
Goku gave another gasped, "You've...possessed Vegeta."  
"No, Kakarot," Vegeta said, "It's _me_. Vegeta, Prince of all Saiy-"  
But, in an instance, Goku had jumped the pre-schooler and began to desperately search his forehead for an M. Alas, he found none and sat back with a small grin on his face at his accomplishment. Vegeta, who had gotten a front row seat sneak peak at the contents within Goku's tighty whities merely blinked.  
"...If you ever," Vegeta said in a low and dangerous voice, "Do that to me again...you will need a tube to eat."  
"I will?" Goku said, scratching his nose, "Well, Goten told me about this new tubed yogurt...are you gonna by it for me?"  
Vegeta blinked again and sighed, deciding to change the topic, "They all evacuted?"  
"Yup!" Goku confirmed, "And it's 2:59. Chi Chi and Bulma should be here in mom-"

"Goku!" "Vegeta!" two voices sounded silmultaneously.  
The two saiyans shrugged--Vegeta's shrug ended in him folding his arms across his chest and scowling, Goku's ended in a scratch of the head and a smile. Obviously. Bulma and Chi Chi seemed to ignore Goku's state of dress as they led the two to the hover car.

"You know what's ironic, Kakarrot?" Vegeta asked as Bulma drove them both home, Chi Chi sat in the passenger side.  
"Nope--but I might, tell me what ironic means first."  
Vegeta gave him a cold stare.  
"Just kiddin', Vegeta, go ahead!"  
"All that time we spent in the prison and in the hallway...we were free then."  
Goku thought for a moment, "Haha! Guess you're right, Vegeta! But all's well that ends well!"  
"...But this didn't end well."  
"I guess you're right...but that's the only way the quote works out."  
"Just shut up, Kakarrot," Vegeta said, turning to his side of the car while Goku remained in a pensive pose. Trying to figure out how he could squeeze in his quote so that it could properly apply to the position they were in.  
Vegeta put his head in his hands but eventually sat back in his baby blue car seat.  
_I'm going to spend the rest of my life with this babbling idiot_ Vegeta thought sadly _Oh cruel fate..._

**YES, I HAVE UPDATED. ALL HAIL ME. SORRY I DID NOT REVAMP UP TO CHAPTER 4 AS PROMISED, I'M STILL WORKING ON CHAPTER 2. SORRY FOR SCREAMING AT YOU...I'M SORRY FOR A LOT OF THINGS I SUPPOSE...I also know that this chapter (to me) is nowhere near as good as it should be for how long you had to wait. It's going to be a real bitch to revamp, though so it's going to have to stay the same for a while...**


End file.
